Boot Scootin’ Mother-in-Law

 
By Wendy Wheatley

 

My mother-in-law rides a Harley, drives a truck that says “Redneck” and runs her own karaoke show. I dare you to top that.

I’ve been married to my husband for almost 7 years and I swear I married him just so I could hang out with his mother. Surely you’ve heard or can tell your own mother-in-law stories from hell and I had heard plenty before I got married . So when it was time to meet the prospective ‘other woman’, I was prepared for the worst.

My soon-to-be husband and I started the drive to his parent’s house for a planned visit. The key word here is ‘planned’. This means they should have known we were coming over. John had always been a little bit of a performer, but it never prepared me for the impending introduction I was about to gain entry to.

As we steered our car towards their neighborhood, John suddenly slowed the car and quietly groaned, ‘Oh my God. There she is.’ And I’ll be damned if there wasn’t a crazy woman twisting all over the road in a midget-size go-cart, squealing and waving to us a mile away. ‘That,’ John whispered, ‘is my mother.’ I smothered a grin to myself. Right on. We’ll get along just fine.

And so it went. I’ve never seen a woman have such a zest for life. We recently traveled over 2400 hundred miles to my mother-in-law’s 50th birthday celebration. Can I say ‘I’ felt old? She rented an entire hall, invited 165 guests, hired an extensive country band and bought 33 cases of beer. Her grand entrance was a grunt-roaring ride right into the hall in front of every guest perched with she atop of a Harley-Davidson. Varoooommmm. Right on, mom-in-law. Ride on.

Mom-in-law even let me drive her cherry red Blazer while I was in town. Only she forgot to tell me a few minor details about the vehicle. After leaving a prospective job interview, did I then see why I was receiving curious glances and stares. Ripped across the top of the windshield, was a massive decal the screamed ‘REDNECK’. And across the back it mimicked ‘Ain’t Skeered’. That’s right. ‘Ain’t Skeered.’ I was lucky I didn’t get shot.

I’m fortunate enough to have a mother-in-law that I can be friends with and feel comfortable around. While other women are worried about their mother-in-law’s criticism on what they’re feeding their sons, my mother-in-law is appreciative that I kept her son out of jail yet another evening. And I could rave on about what a sensational mother-in-law I have, but you’ll have to excuse me – it’s my turn on the Harley and she’s not a patient woman.


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