The most horrifying episode happened at home the other day. It was absolutely shocking. I could actually feel my heart leap with fright. Luckily, no one was hurt, but we were hit right where it really hurt the most – our cable went out. I guess that’s what happens when you forget to pay the bill. Hmmmm….
Anyway, it seemed like just another normal week night at home. We all gathered together to spend some family time – around the television. Unknown to most people, we actually have 6 household members, not 5. Dear Brother Ted the TV is dear and close to our hearts. So you can imagine our absolute horror when his friend Charlie Cable decided to sneak out of the house. We sobbed. We pleaded. We went though mourning. Charlie Cable snubbed his nose. He refused to return.
What ever will we do?! Gasp! The horror. The torment. Our family will suffer. God knows we couldn’t actually speak to one another. That would be preposterous. Aahhh – we will fade into television daydreams. Oh yeah – back into the comfort zone.
“And now – back to everyone’s favorite game show….. What’s in the fridge?! The game where contestants battle to decipher the left-overs from 1988.” (canned applause).
“Let’s welcome back our reigning champion for 3 years – Wendy! Welcome to the show. Let’s get right to the first challenger.” (more canned applause).
“Alright, here he is! John comes all the way to our show from… what’s this? I think you too must know each other – oh, that’s right! You two are married! What a whopper this one promises to be!” (naturally, more canned applause).
“John – Wendy – let’s get to the first clue. This left-over was a new recipe that flopped for a dinner party for 12, which Wendy thought someone will surely eat eventually. Yes, that’s right, John!! The answer is Simple Chicken.” (enthusiastic canned applause).
“Ok, here is our next clue for what is left-over in the fridge….. Wendy, you ordered too much food in a restaurant and was sure that someone would eat it eventually. Yes, that’s right again, John!! The answer is a left-over half-eaten Happy Meal from McDonald’s!!” (once again, canned applause).
“Wendy, it looks like you may have to fight for your throne! Here is our last and final clue. For the championship – what petrified item dwells in the freezer? Unbelievable!! That’s right, John!! The answer is the 3 foot square frozen block of bulk meat Wendy purchased in 1992!!!! We have a new Left-over Champion!!” (audience screaming wildly).
Sadly, my fridge is that bad. Yes it is. I mean it. No, really. Don’t open the fridge unless you have a bat to beat back the poor creatures that are hopelessly struggling to escape. Now that we no longer shack up with Charlie Cable, I guess that leaves me plenty of time to work on something that has been horribly ignored for such a long time. I just can’t believe it’s gone this far without at least some effort. It’s shameful that I let it get to such lengths. I bet if I set my mind to it, I could get it done in an afternoon. Then I wouldn’t have it weighing on my mind so badly. I’m talking about launching a search for finding a TV antenna.