POKEMONITIS
By Lisa Henderson, B.S. Child Development

CHILDREN BEWARE of Pokemonitis. This disease is horribly contagious. If you have any children under the age of 16, your children are at risk! It is contagious to older children too, but many older children seem to have a natural immunity to Pokemonitis.

The symptoms of Pokemonitis include, but are not limited to: a desire to harbor cards with strange creatures on them, a tendency to congregate in groups of others who are affected with the disease, a desire to eat lots of vegetables in exchange for little blue card purchases, a need to stand in long lines of children affected with the disease, an affinity for specific afternoon cartoons which causes loss of hearing for thirty minutes, a tendency to repeat strange words with strange voice changes and to converse about "evolving", a need to have within their possession a notebook filled with plastic pages, an urge to sit in circles and yell strange words and throw cards down, and a tendency to become anxious if separated from little blue cards or other children affected with Pokemonitis.

There is also rumor that the parents of children who are affected with the disease have contracted and spread a strain of the disease, known as Pokemon Frenzy Fever. This can be a very dangerous strain. Adults have been known to rush stores, stand in long lines, and fight over the purchase of blue cards. Adults have also been seen driving from store to store to store, repeating the above behaviors. Perhaps this behavior initially was meant to curb their children's Pokemonitis, but it has since become a dangerous strain of the original virus. Adults affected with Pokemon Frenzy Fever (also known as PFF) have also be known to congregate on the World Wide Web, paying high dollars and trading the little blue cards.

Scientists have yet to discover an antidote for Pokemonitis or PFF, but it is believed the disease started in Japan and spread from there. Experts warn that it is next to impossible to keep your children from being infected unless you have no contact with the outside world and have no television in your home. It is thought that perhaps this may be a disease that will run it's course and then disappear, much like the Cabbagepatchitis and Powerrangeritis diseases. Parents, be warned and be careful. Your best bet is to attempt to avoid the adult strain of the disease (PFF).

(The author of this article regrets to inform the public that both her children have Pokemonitis and that she herself has contracted Pokemon Frenzy Fever, also known as PFF).