CHALLENGING IDEAS FOR ACTION-ORIENTED DADS
from Dr. Ken Canfield & the NATIONAL CENTER for FATHERING
Copyright 1999 National Center for Fathering
Reprinted with Permission

Father and Daughter Relationships
In the News ...
A recent study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology sheds light on the benefits of close father/daughter relationships. The study of 173 girls and their families found that girls who have positive family relationships in their first five years of life--especially with their fathers--enter puberty later. The fathers of the girls who reached puberty later were active in caring for their children and had positive relationships with the mothers. In contrast, the girls who entered puberty earlier commonly grew up in fatherless homes or dysfunctional homes where the father was present. What's significant about the onset of puberty? Girls don't typically experiment with sex until they've reached puberty, so the later, the better.

It's widely accepted as fact that, on average, girls are reaching puberty earlier and engaging in sex sooner than they should. And other studies have shown that girls who grow up without fathers tend to become sexually active at earlier ages--they look for male approval in intimate relationships before they're emotionally ready.

To Think About ...
What can a dad do to help his daughter avoid the many pitfalls of sexual involvement too early? Unlike boys, who are often lured in by visual stimulation, it's the relationship, intimacy and romance that attract girls. So the best thing you can do is to help meet your daughter's need for intimacy (in appropriate ways, of course). Pursue her heart. You'll strengthen your relationship, and you'll help her avoid confusing sex with love.

Shower her with loving attention and words of affection. If you don't, she could get the message that you don't care or that there's something wrong with her. To try to prove herself, she may go to any lengths, including sex with young men who are unprepared to give her the real intimacy and commitment that she needs. Acknowledge her value as a bright young woman with a promising future. You can help give her the confidence to say, "I'm waiting for my wedding night."

In the Trenches ...
Kate Sylvester told me about the benefits of spending extended periods of time with her father during her adolescent years. One school year, her day began at dawn and didn't end till late at night due to her busy schedule and a one-hour drive. Her mother was very concerned, so her father decided to pick her up each day and drive her home. Kate fondly recalls that she talked non-stop, reviewing the challenges and events of her day, and her dad listened patiently. She remembers how empowering and encouraging that was, and points to those hours in the car as an important part of her character formation.

ACTION POINTS for Committed Fathers
1. Call ahead, get dressed up, and take your daughter out on a date.
2. Tell your daughter a special quality that you see in her.
3. Buy your daughter a subscription to her own magazine.
4. Discuss with your son or daughter what they should expect on a date, and talk through appropriate responses to certain situations.
5. Get more tips for relating to your daughters (and sons) on our Practical Tips section at www.fathers.com/pracx.html.
6. FATHERING DURING THE HOLIDAYS: Read my "7 Tips For Busy Dads During the Holidays." Go to www.fathers.com/seventips.html.
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