CHALLENGING IDEAS FOR ACTION-ORIENTED DADS
from Dr. Ken Canfield & the NATIONAL CENTER for FATHERING
Copyright 1999 National Center for Fathering
Reprinted with Permission

What Do Children Think About Working Parents?

In the News ...
In her creative study, Ask the Children, Ellen Galinsky seeks to answer the question, "What do America's children really think about working parents?" Her findings, based on more that a decade of work, suggest that we need to look for new ways to think about work and family.

With respect to the time we invest in our children's lives, Galinsky believes we must distinguish focused time from hang-around time. Focused time is when we're tuned in and listening to our children. She adds, "We find that it is older children--more than younger children--who are yearning for more time, and they are yearning for more (focused) time with their fathers."

Second, we need to replace the notion of balancing work and family life with the concept of navigating work and family life. Balancing implies an either/or situation--the idea that if one side is up, the other side is down. It sets up a win/lose scenario. Navigating the flow between work and home suggests a dynamic interrelationship in which aspects of one area can spill over, enhancing or impairing the other, much the same way the father/child relationship functions.

To Think About ...
The testimonies of children tell it all. One young woman remembers coming home from school eager to tell her father what had happened to her that day. Her father failed to look up and acknowledge her presence. She writes, "I will never forget the pain of being invisible. I wouldn't have minded it if he had just looked up and said, 'I'm busy--I'll talk to you later.' But to be invisible!"

Another ten-year-old boy, reflecting on how attuned his parents were, wrote, "They're really involved in what they're saying to me. They're not just saying normal things like, 'Uh huh ... uhn uhn.' They seem to be very intent on what I'm saying, they're not just looking away."

What about you, dad? Would you describe yourself as "focused" on your children or just "hanging around" the house? Our children yearn for our focused, interested attention, and it's vital that we give it to them.

In the Trenches ...
The state of Colorado has a rare privilege of having a governor, lieutenant governor, and an attorney general who are embracing efforts to promote responsible fathering. In a conference this past week, the bipartisan trio endorsed efforts to strengthen fathers in the state. The conference took place at the Denver Tech Center a few miles east of Columbine High School. Another state official suggested that the tragedy of Littleton might have been avoided if fathers had been "connected" to their children.

ACTION POINTS for Committed Fathers
1. Ask your children to describe the mood and atmosphere at your job--or your mood when you arrive home. Listen closely.
2. Tell your children about how you perceived your father's and mother's working lives. Illustrate with a specific story.
3. Plan to take your child to work or a scheduled work activity before the holidays. If you have young children, take a 1/2 day of flex time and spend it with them.
4. Ask another father to suggest ways he's seeking to navigate work and family life.

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