CHALLENGING IDEAS FOR ACTION-ORIENTED DADS
from Dr. Ken Canfield & the NATIONAL
CENTER for FATHERING
Copyright 1999 National
Center for Fathering
Reprinted with Permission
Overcomers...
I
In the News ... Last weekend, the world witnessed what
has been called perhaps the greatest comeback story in the
history of sports. American cyclist Lance Armstrong won the
Tour de France, one of the most grueling events in all of
sports, by over seven minutes. But the real story is what he
had to overcome. Three years ago, Lance was diagnosed with
testicular cancer. Before chemotherapy and two surgeries, he
had a dozen golf ball-size tumors in his chest and lesions
on his brain. At the time, his doctor gave him a 20% chance
of survival. Now, he's the winner of the 3-week, 2,300-mile
Tour, finishing with the highest average speed ever.
Armstrong is a medical miracle and an inspiration to
millions--cancer patients and others. He's also a fatherless
child, raised only by his mother. So he's had some practice
overcoming significant challenges in his life. He'll soon
have another opportunity to test his champion's heart. In
October, his wife Kristin is due to give birth to a child
that was conceived in vitro by sperm that Lance had saved
before his chemotherapy began. We'll be pulling for him to
be an overcomer as a father, as well.
To Think About ... In one way or another, all fathers are
overcomers. Your commitment to fathering may be much greater
than your father's. Your lifestyle may reflect different
values, ideals and goals than his. You may have chosen to
avoid a shortcoming or an addiction that your father
struggled with--alcoholism, workaholism, emotional distance,
etc. You're providing a powerful example to your family,
demonstrating that change is possible and difficulties can
be overcome.
Your children are overcomers, too. A secret desire of
every father is to have his children exceed him in some way.
Your son may be an artist, your daughter an athlete, or your
child's great gift may be encouraging others. As fathers, we
need to affirm and applaud the things that make our children
unique, even though their interests and abilities may be
different from ours.
In the Trenches ... The Urban Fathering Project, an
initiative that began three years ago, is now on the
launching pad. George Williams and four other staff are
ramping up for strategic father training in twelve
inner-city schools and two court-related programs this fall.
This initiative represents a huge investment by the Center,
and as George says, "The shuttle is ready!"
The goal of the Urban Fathering Project is to raise up a
generation of overcoming fathers in the inner city. Mark, a
non-custodial father who grew up without a dad, wrote this
to his child during an exercise in the "overcomers"
curriculum: "Just wanted you to know, Son, I REALLY LOVE
YOU! I'm going to do everything possible to make sure I stay
a part of your life."
ACTION POINTS for Overcoming Dads
1. Tell your children one of the biggest challenges you've
faced in life and how you overcame it.
2. Go through your family tree and tell your children a
story of another overcomer in your family.
3. Speak destiny to your children by affirming something
they do that exceeds you.
4. Write a "time capsule" note for your infant child or a
child yet to be born in which you describe your hopes for
him/her.
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About the Author:
Ken Canfield, Ph.D., is the founder of The
National Center for
Fathering.
He and his wife, Dee, have five children (ages 9-19) and live in the
Kansas City area.
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