CHALLENGING IDEAS FOR ACTION-ORIENTED DADS
from Dr. Ken Canfield & the NATIONAL CENTER for FATHERING
Copyright 1999 National Center for Fathering
Reprinted with Permission

Overcomers...

I

In the News ... Last weekend, the world witnessed what has been called perhaps the greatest comeback story in the history of sports. American cyclist Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France, one of the most grueling events in all of sports, by over seven minutes. But the real story is what he had to overcome. Three years ago, Lance was diagnosed with testicular cancer. Before chemotherapy and two surgeries, he had a dozen golf ball-size tumors in his chest and lesions on his brain. At the time, his doctor gave him a 20% chance of survival. Now, he's the winner of the 3-week, 2,300-mile Tour, finishing with the highest average speed ever.

Armstrong is a medical miracle and an inspiration to millions--cancer patients and others. He's also a fatherless child, raised only by his mother. So he's had some practice overcoming significant challenges in his life. He'll soon have another opportunity to test his champion's heart. In October, his wife Kristin is due to give birth to a child that was conceived in vitro by sperm that Lance had saved before his chemotherapy began. We'll be pulling for him to be an overcomer as a father, as well.

To Think About ... In one way or another, all fathers are overcomers. Your commitment to fathering may be much greater than your father's. Your lifestyle may reflect different values, ideals and goals than his. You may have chosen to avoid a shortcoming or an addiction that your father struggled with--alcoholism, workaholism, emotional distance, etc. You're providing a powerful example to your family, demonstrating that change is possible and difficulties can be overcome.

Your children are overcomers, too. A secret desire of every father is to have his children exceed him in some way. Your son may be an artist, your daughter an athlete, or your child's great gift may be encouraging others. As fathers, we need to affirm and applaud the things that make our children unique, even though their interests and abilities may be different from ours.

In the Trenches ... The Urban Fathering Project, an initiative that began three years ago, is now on the launching pad. George Williams and four other staff are ramping up for strategic father training in twelve inner-city schools and two court-related programs this fall. This initiative represents a huge investment by the Center, and as George says, "The shuttle is ready!"

The goal of the Urban Fathering Project is to raise up a generation of overcoming fathers in the inner city. Mark, a non-custodial father who grew up without a dad, wrote this to his child during an exercise in the "overcomers" curriculum: "Just wanted you to know, Son, I REALLY LOVE YOU! I'm going to do everything possible to make sure I stay a part of your life."

ACTION POINTS for Overcoming Dads
1. Tell your children one of the biggest challenges you've faced in life and how you overcame it.
2. Go through your family tree and tell your children a story of another overcomer in your family.
3. Speak destiny to your children by affirming something they do that exceeds you.
4. Write a "time capsule" note for your infant child or a child yet to be born in which you describe your hopes for him/her.