Eleven Years

6/11/99

Dear Kristi,

As I look back on our eleven years of marriage, I am overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings. Deep feelings. Feelings that wash over me in warm waves. Feelings that leave tiny hills on my skin.

Feelings of gratitude......

Gratitude for sticking with me and for being so eternally patient as you waited for me to grow up. For all the nights you cried yourself to sleep hoping and praying that someday I might put your needs first instead of my selfish wants. For all the times you felt unprotected by me emotionally as we dealt with things early in our marriage. For carrying the financial burden for seven years as I tried to figure out what to do with my life. For the times I have given of myself to other people and then come home and offered you the "leftovers." For going before our Heavenly Father in prayer, and lifting me up, even when my hurtful words have made deep cuts that took many months to heal.......For all that you do and all you have done to keep our marriage working. I am amazed at your unselfishness. Amazed that you have stuck it out with me, and for that I am thankful.

Thankful......

Thankful for the incredible example you are of Godly love. Love that is based on a decision and not your feelings. Love that has looked for the best in me all these years. Love that is unconditional. Love that has seen past the immaturity. Love that has molded and shaped me into a better person. Love that has sifted through the stress of my working a third shift job and running a video production business. Oh to have half of your boundless capacity for real love. I stand in awe at your ability to love people.....

Awe.....

I don't know of a better word to describe how I feel about you. I stand in awe as I watch you raise our two boys. My mouth drops open as I watch you go through your "daily" life as a mother. The energy that is exerted. The compassion and firmness in discipline. The grind you go through every day and night pouring your heart and soul into these two little gifts from God. The bubbly feeling I get inside when I hear someone talk about our boys in a positive manner. I know they are special because of what you have invested in them. You stumble into bed each night, knowing that you are going to be up at least a few times in the night with Connor, and yet each morning you dig down into your reserves, and pour your energy once again into nurturing and caring for our little ones. Our children are wonderful! I don't care who hears it, and what they think about a Father bragging about his children. Our children are wonderful because of the hours you have invested in their lives, and the example you set for them everyday. My children will know how special their Mother is. They will instinctively know it, but just in case they don't, I will make it a point to tell them often. They will look back on their childhood with warm feelings and memories.......

Memories.....

The little flashes of life that come to me as I go about my daily routine. A song might trigger it. Perhaps a fragrant scent. Sometimes a word or phrase. I go from the mundane task I am doing and am transported to another time. The feeling of contentment and satisfaction that comes over me as I relive these moments...... Spending time in the hospital as you brought our children into this world. The image of you holding Caleb and Connor for the first time. The heavenly sound of your singing. Running my fingers through your hair. Seeing Caleb talk with his many little hand gestures. Watching him make everything in his life into an "Oscar winning production." Listening to Connor say, "Ohhhhhhhh" Feeling the softness of the back of his hair. The smell of baby lotion. Connor pulling himself along the floor without using his back legs to crawl. His lips when he is sleeping. The music in your laugh, and the love in your liquid eyes......

All of these things pass through my mind on any given day, and I stop and thank the Lord for the life He has given me. I owe so much to you, Kristi, and I love the life we have made with each other. But I am even more excited about the future......

The future......

Flashes of life. They aren't just for memories you know. They are also for the future. While the memories create such a tremendous contentment in my life, the future excites me......

I look forward to:

Walking away from the third shift job and being able to hold you in my arms as we lay in bed and fall asleep listening to the crickets. Waking up in the morning instead of heading off to bed. Operating Video Imagery as my only job and working a forty hour week! Moving from Janesville and looking up at the millions of stars from the deck of our house in the country. Having our kids grow up surrounded by woods and fields and Caleb coming home with a frog in each pocket. Long walks enjoying the sounds of the birds, the smell of wildflowers, and taking in God's incredible creation with our eyes. Holding our daughter "Kelsey" for the first time and crying tears of joy. Watching our last child head off to Kindergarten knowing full well that a portion of our lives will never be the same. Loving you more every day and becoming closer as we intertwine our hopes, thoughts, and feelings. Growing old, but not caring, as long as you are by my side every step of the way as we build our dreams into reality.....

Reality.......

My reality right now is a dream for me. I can deal with the long work weeks, the stress, and sometimes the exhaustion. They pale in comparison to what the Lord has blessed me with. I will still dream, but I am content. Everyday problems come, but they soon melt away with the coo of my infant, the hug of my three-year-old, and the tender kiss of my bride.......

Bring on what troubles you have world. My Kristi is by my side.....

Happy Anniversary, my love!

Michael