Doe, M & Walch, M. (1998). 10 Principles for
Spiritual Parenting. Harper Perennial, New York.
You can get more information on Mimi Doe and her 10
Principles for Spiritual Parenting at http://www.pink-bubble.com
Moral Development of Children: Spiritual Inheritance
A bumper sticker on the back of an expensive recreational vehicle
read: "We're spending our children's inheritance." While many parents
strive to save wealth and property to hand down to their children,
how many parents will make an effort to leave a spiritual inheritance
for them? How do parents invest in the wealth of their children's
moral well being? What transactions should parents engage in to
create ethical returns in their child's behavior?
These are some of the questions we will look at in this second
installment on "The Moral Development in Children." To help with the
answers, we asked Mimi Doe, author of the book "10
Principles for Spiritual Parenting" and a group of spiritually
minded parents for practical advice on creating a spiritual
inheritance.
"Mirror, Mirror"
In the introduction to her book, Doe writes: "Children are spiritual
beings." She considers a child's spirituality to be innate but that
parents and other adults "clobber it out of them." Parents who want
to develop moral and ethical behavior in children must nurture these
qualities in their child. One of reasons parents "clobber" or
discourage these qualities in children is that they are not attuned
with their own spirituality.
Parents are psychological and spiritual mirrors to children.
"Children form their earliest ideas about God, the world, people, and
trust from what is mirrored from you," says Doe.
How do you act, or react, to circumstances? Do you scream at the guy
who just cut you off on the road? Do you make fun of other people? Do
you tantrum when you are frustrated? A child's identity is filtered
through the beliefs and behaviors of their parent.
A parent from the online "Parents
Work Bench" support group stated it this way: "The most important
heritage we can leave our children is to have them be richly aware of
God's presence and working in our lives. The way we perceive and
explain the events of day-to-day life; how we live will determine
their spiritual inheritance."
That's a heavy load for many parents who didn't grow up in a
spiritual or moral home or feel too overwhelmed by life to try and be
"perfect" in front of their children. Not having moral models, in
parents own lives, may mean that being a moral mirror is difficult,
it is never too late to develop one's own spirituality. Doing so
doesn't require a strict religious training or dogma asserts Doe.
While that might work for some parents, a day-to-day way of being,
with our child, and us, is all that is needed.
Another mother of the Parents Work Bench expressed, "If I teach my
children to build their treasures on heavenly things: love, peace,
patience, and kindness, that is being a real mother." Perhaps many of
the physical things parents are currently doing, that make them
exhausted, are actually teaching an anti-moral lesson.
"Weave spirituality into your everyday rhythm; your daily routines,"
prescribes Doe. "It doesn't take any more time to light a candle and
flip on Mozart than to turn on the television or news in the
morning."
The moral of this moral lesson is mirror to your children what you
want to see in them. And if your children are not displaying the
kinds of behavior, who consider right, take a look in the mirror
first, to see what your child is seeing and possibly mimicking.
The Spirit of Discipline
Doe suggests that parents let go of people or situations that drag
them and the children down, physically and spiritually. When you are
around exciting and stimulating people whom love life, you feel
excited and full of life too, right? But when you are around people
and situations that deplete the emotional reserves, you feel negative
and empty.
The same is true for children. They need vibrant, spiritual parents
who give them life. And, they need parents to make tough decisions
about where they should go, what they should watch, who they should
socialize with, to help them develop their spiritual and moral
selves. If this is done early in a child's life, they will have a
better chance latter in life, to act morally and know the value of
their own spirituality. A proverb, in the Holy Bible, says, "Train a
child when he is young and when he is old, he will not depart from
it." Sound investment tips there!
A common complaint of American parents is that they no longer have
the tools to teach children right from wrong. Parents argue that
because their tool of spanking is gone, so is their ability to
discipline. In light of the principles of spiritual and moral
development, the problem may not be technique, but lack of "spirit."
Without the inner discipline, taught by a parents words and deeds,
the outer discipline is unprofitable (spiritually speaking).
Making Spiritual Transactions
So, what can a parent do to increase the interest rate of their
child's moral bank account? Doe offers various exercises,
affirmations, and activities for parents for each spiritual parenting
principle:
Spiritual Principle #1: Knowing God Cares for You. "Establish daily
spiritual habits and household rituals&pray anytime you hear a
siren&Send a blessing to everyone involved in the emergency
incident&paint or draw pictures of God&point out simple signs
of God in your child's life: the perfect snowflake, the lunar
eclipse, the magic of spring&Learn about the worlds
religions&create a family alter."
Spiritual Principle #2: Trust and teach that all life is connected
and has a purpose. "Bring nature inside and let your family observe
growth&Get involved in neighborhood beautification
projects&Celebrate Earth Day&Take a hike&plant a
butterfly garden or window box&Adopt a cause."
Spiritual Principle #3: Listen to your child. "Have mealtime
conversations&ask your child to write some prayers that the whole
family can use&Make dates for one-on-one with your
children&Set up specific discussion themes and times&Read
books with your child&have family meetings&Wish upon a star
with your child."
Spiritual Principle #4: Words are important, use them with care.
"Write a poem about your pets&Create a cartoon character that
represents you&Create a story box&Grab your journal before
you go to sleep at night and jot down five images of your child from
the day&write the story of your child's birth&plant secret
love notes&Pray together as a family&tape record your daily
conversations."
Spiritual Principle #5: Allow and encourage dreams, wishes and hopes.
"Spend time role-playing a dream&create a dream book&point
out examples of good luck throughout the day&encourage team
activities, sports, and interest groups&Ask each family member to
draw or write his goals or dreams"
Spiritual Principle #6: Add magic to the ordinary. "Look for the
fairy in the soap bubbles when you wash dishes&walk in the
rain&Arrange the bedsheets into a tent and turn an ordinary night
into an enchanted imaginary camp-out&watch the moon come
out&Have a picnic indoors&Try waking your child with a
song&Play in the snow&come up with a family logo or family
slogan."
Spiritual Principle #7: Create a flexible structure. "Take a recess
from dishwashing for a night&turn out the lights and just use
candles&have fun with a monthly dinner with international cuisine
and music&choose a direction and walk for ten minutes that
way&get silly&talk in a silly language."
Spiritual Principle #8: Be a positive mirror for your child.
"Acknowledge your mistakes&sing hymns, drum, chant, or
pray&Ask the blessing at mealtimes, say goodnight prayers, ask
for a safe journey&laugh&List five traits you like about
yourself as a child&support and cheer on others&yell or hold
up cheering signs&smile."
Spiritual Principle #9: Release the struggle. "Release you image of
an ideal family&accept that children are not always going to
please you&take a quiet day&slow down&Help your child
create a peaceful place in her mind&imagine a restful
setting&Ask your child to place his hands on his heart. Feel the
beating&picture light around your home&meditate&take a
hot bath&Form a parent group&push back the furniture and
allow your child to dance their energy out."
Spiritual Principle #10: Make each day a new beginning. "Validate
successes at the day's end, even small ones such as waking up on
time&It's alright to say no&Don't sweat the small
stuff&rethink your priorities today&Play with the idea that
you have no limits&Start the morning on a peaceful note. If it
means making lunches and laying out school clothes the night before,
do so&get up fifteen minutes earlier&Encourage children to
eat slowly&Walk like a winner&In the evening visualize how
you would like tomorrow to turn out."
Start Early and Grow Spiritually Rich
Most financial advisors show the need to start investing early in
life. They love to demonstrate how a small, monthly investment, over
the long haul, reaps greater financial rewards over large investments
later in life. Spiritually, parents need to invest early and
consistently, in small ways. But parents can start late too. In the
moral and spiritual market, late can be almost as good as early, to
invest.
"Begin today," states Doe. "Create your family rituals, celebrations,
and traditions. Begin cultivating a code of honor in your family.
That's spiritual parenting."
Or as another parent on the list exclaims: "If I die tomorrow, I will
have died a woman who taught her children that power within us, above
us, and around us, and to always respect that power and use it in a
manner that will help others the way they would want to be
helped."
References:
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Doe, M & Walch, M. (1998). 10 Principles for
Spiritual Parenting. Harper Perennial, New York. |