Can I Still Walk Around Naked?
by Joseph de Guzman

As Published in Spilt Milk

So you think you are ready to be a dad?

If you are like me, you would have carefully considered the known requirements of meeting up to your end of the bargain (after all it does take two to tango) and be certain that you are fully prepared.

Think again! There are so many unknowns in parenthood. I call these undocumented features.

You can pickup books from any retailer that provide a wide selection of topics aimed at first timers like me. Sad thing is that babies and mothers are individuals that cannot be simply categorized and what you end up with is a lot of generalized topics none of which seem to ever cover what you are looking for in moments of desperation.

I am not an expert by any means, all I offer is the first hand experiences of a novice father. I am software engineer by profession, so I figured I was used to creating something from nothing. There are definite synergy's between a software developer and a father (although the process of making a baby is definitely better than writing lines of code).

The BIG Step - So you have prepared and you think you are ready to take on the responsibilities of being a father.

Like me you would have started to think of things like - Can I support a family financially? Will I be a good father? Can I still walk around the house naked? Will adding a baby seat to the car change it's handling capabilities? etc. etc. Whatever way I looked at it, being able to support my family financially was my main concern.

Some will say that money is not important. Sure, you can send your wife back into the work force and pop the kid into childcare for the week but then why have a child? One criteria that I had was to be able to raise our child on our own and not have strangers look after my baby while we are at work. I guess we are fortunate enough to live off a single income. We had to make some real tough decisions in rationalizing our expenses and clearing our debts though. It's the price you pay.

Take it from me folks, even the early stages of pregnancy can place a lot of stress in a relationship. The last thing you need is creditors wanting blood.

My rule of thumb is deal with the known and plan for the unknown.

Commitment. Now that's something that has held me in good stead this past few months. Once you and your wife/partner have made the decision to go for it and have a baby, there is no turning back once that seed is sown.

My wife had a difficult pregnancy, but I was there for her. If she woke up every hour I joined her. If she wanted ice cream at 3am I'm out there. Basically keep her happy, don't argue or ask for explanation.

Your partner will be doing some pretty strange stuff that defies logic, like wanting you to climb Mount Everest in your underwear, just remember the phrase:-

"Ours is not to wonder why, ours is but to do or die".

If you have decided to take that BIG step, I wish you all the best and a happy, healthy baby.

Joseph

Joseph de Guzman is a programmer with Verifone Australia, now Hewlett Packard. He never writes, this was his first and only attempt. He is also Dad to Sam and husband to Kylie Ardill, editor of online parenting magazine Spilt Milk.net