Stepping Back
By Steve Newton

My wife and I try hard to bring our kids up right. But what does that mean exactly?

I know my grandparents would have said, "Children are meant to be seen and not heard." Well, our kids you can hear a mile away, long before you ever see them. In fact if we can't hear our kids we start to panic, silence generally means they are doing mischief.

My mother would say that keeping them safe from harm is bringing them up right. My father is of the opinion that teaching them manners is most important. But is it? I mean I agree with both of them, I would never expose my kids to potential harm and neither my wife nor I tolerate rudeness. But I have at times found myself stepping back and letting my nine year old go higher and higher up the backyard tree. I know that, should he fall, he will hurt himself but how will he ever reach the stars if I always keep him on the ground? 

And when my 2 year old attempts to imitate Superman (although these days I think the role models are Power Rangers) by leaping from one bed to another, do I stop this dangerous activity the minute it begins and forbid it ever occurring again? Perhaps one day my pint-size daredevil will become a world class sportstar, utilising skills and coordination he learnt bounding across the beds.

One of the hardest things I have found in my role as a father is when to step back and when to step in. I want my kids to grow up right, every parent does. But do I stifle them with rules about how to eat, when to sleep, what to do to stay safe from harm?

I have spent a great deal of my life among traditional Aboriginal people. I have been invited into their families and shared in the raising of their children and it is now, as a father, that I realise how great an influence on my life those people were. And my wife, she is Maori, born in New Zealand, the land of the long white cloud. Her child raising ideas are similar to those of my adopted Aboriginal families.

Our children are not quiet, rarely sit still, have a predilection to dirt and mud and even our eldest seems to have no concept of 'neatness'. Happiest when they are dirty, naked and moving very fast they have wild imagination's and no sense of danger. And they have those wonderful open, honest natures that so often embarrass parents.

But they are happy, loving and healthy. And in the end, isn't that what counts the most?

About the Author

Steve Newton has 3 sons and still most of his hair! He is a teacher and his kids are 9, 4 and 2. He enjoys sports, computers, reading and movies. He is 28, married to another teacher and lives in Queensland, Australia
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