Its About Dads Doing Their Bit!
by Stuart Glossop

My son had a very interesting question for me last week. "Dad" he asked, "what did you do when I was growing up?".

"Well Adam", I told him. "I was your mother". "Ah. You were a new man then?".

I mention this not to gain an accolade, but as an act of complaint. The nature of the Internet means I have no idea who is reading this, or more precisely, where you are reading this. But in the UK at the moment there is quite a debate about being a "new man". Although nobody as yet to define it. The thing is I'm a bit fed up that what they say is a new man I've been doing for fifteen years.

In 1984, when Adam was born, it was more economical for my wife to have a job than me. Thus to have a family meant a choice for us. We could have gone down the path of my wife giving up work and me finding some sort of employment. This would have meant a drop in income of fifty per cent. Or my wife could have continued working and keep me in the luxury that I had become accustomed to. We choose the second option! In essence, after two months of maternity leave, I would become mother.

Of course, it wasn't just the money. I wanted to do it!

So there I was. A new man before anybody had even coined the phrase. It meant that I did everything that was considered to me "mothers work". Changing nappies, dealing with colic and all the other childhood ills. Taking him for his medical checks, shopping, cleaning and falling asleep in the afternoon when he did because I'd been up with him half the night whilst he was teething and the myriad of things that mothers do. However, I was viewed with disdain and more than suspicion when I took him along to play school and the such like. Indeed wherever mothers gathered with their children. I would inevitably be the only man there and on many occasions I was "sent to Coventry (this is a quaint English colloquialism for being totally ignored). Nevertheless, I battled on and eventually became an honorary mother and allowed to talk and compare notes with them (although I'm sure I've tried to blank most of this out as I seem to recall that a lot of the time we talked about the colour of our offspring's pooh).

I suppose one of the more interesting facets is our relationship. When people find out about the way in which Adam was brought up they often ask if it is different than the "normal" father and son relationship. I really don't know the answer to that, basically because in parenting I doubt whether there is such an animal as a "normal" relationship. All I do know is that Adam and I have always been honest with one another, able to talk to each other and perhaps, understand each others point of view. I don't think that this has anything to do with my being his mum when he was born. In short what we have to do with our kids is be honest with them, talk to each other (and listen) and think of their sometimes abstract point of view. It has nothing to do with the gender of the parent. Or as Adam said after he had considered my reply and told me I was a new man. "No you were not my mother, or a new man. You were just my dad". I take this as success.

POSTSCRIPT: This is my second piece for the web page. Please feel free to e-mail any comments. Or if you want to massage my ego just send a note telling me if you like them. I'll even manage to take note of criticism if you want to let me know if you don't like them. Just feel free to write.

Stuart Glossop

University of Sheffield
Department of Town & Regional Planning
About the Author
Stuart is 40 years old and has two children. Adam, 15, and Amelia ,11.
Stuart is a Senior Resident to new students and a teacher at the University of Sheffield.
Visit Stuart's Website
[an error occurred while processing this directive]