The Family Bed... A Daddy's view
By Carl Diers

The family bed hasn't been easy for us...

Before I was married, I slept in a king-sized waterbed... all to myself! It was great! But when I moved to New York, I was unable to bring it with me. Then when I got married, we started on on a full-sized bed. It was a little tight, and we kept on saying to each other, "Are you on the edge of the bed?" It was also a challenge to get used to sleeping with a dog on the bed. He is a little Maltese, and he had been sleeping on the bed with Shelly all his life. When Shelly got pregnant, we decided to get a bigger bed. We hadn't known anything about attachment parenting or the family bed. We thought of getting a king sized bed, but we weren't sure if it would fit in our room, or if we could afford one. So we decided for the queen sized bed.

Then the baby was born. We started out with the baby in the crib, but we would bring Matthew in bed with us, if he cried. The only thing was that he didn't sleep... He would wiggle and kick. And... often I would be the one he would wiggle and kick against! So then I wasn't sleeping! And Shelly wasn't sleeping either.

So then we stopped doing the family bed thing. Well.. not altogether... Shelly would bring Matthew in bed with her after the early morning feeding. This was often I have got up to get ready for work. So it seemed that Matthew would only sleep when it was only one parent in bed. In a way, I felt a little jealous because I thought it would be a neat bonding time... and I was missing out on it.

It used to be that I would get up and change Matthew's diaper, and Shelly would nurse him in a chair in the baby's nursery during the night feedings. Now Shelly nurses him in the bed.

This weekend, we heard on the monitor Matthew making a lot of noises, so we kept checking on him. It seemed that his breathing was really raspy. So we brought him in bed with us. Once again... the wiggling and the kicking starts up again! So Shelly decides to nurse him. It was the time he often got up wanting to be fed anyway. Once he was satisfied, he fell right asleep.

BUT... It was still uncomfortable for me! The most comfortable way for me to sleep in on my back. However,this time I had to have my arm hanging off the bed if I slept on my back. I made a comment to my wife about this. Then she told me that she has heard from the women in the La Leche League meetings often say that their husbands aren't always willing to give up their "space." That made sense. That's why I had a hard time getting used to the dog on the bed... That's why I kept asking my wife, "Are you on the edge?" when we had the full-sized bed.

But then I looked at our precious little boy... laying between us... and I thought about how much I love him. And I thought about the slight jealousy about not being able to share in sleeping with our little baby... and here he was just laying there still, not wiggling or kicking. I realized that I couldn't pass up this precious opportunity. I decided that I was able to sacrifice my favorite sleeping position and could just as easily sleep on my side.

The next night, after the early morning feeding, we kept Matthew in bed with us. And again, he slept peacefully after being nursed. Again, we were able to sleep all together as a family.

So now, we have decided to do the family bed when he wakes up for his early morning feeding. Lately, during the night, he wakes up once after we put him in his crib for the night. That is often in the early morning between 4:00 and 7:00 am. This way Shelly and I can still have our time alone in bed the first part of the night. But who knows... it could eventually develop to more often...

Carl Diers

About the Author

Carl is a computer programmer in upstate New York.
He is the daddy of a precious 4-month old son.
His wife is a stay-at-home mom.
Visit Carl's Website