And So It Begins...
by Wesley Steinberg

Most of us think of beginnings as an opened door leading to the Great Unknown. Some of us consider beginnings as simply the means to an end. A few of us with a sixth sense into the future regard beginnings as a royal pain in the you-know-what.

Consider children.

We begin to raise our children when they are born. We are allowed a certain period of time to teach them while they are growing up. But raising children is unique in that it does not end. It is one continuous mind-numbing, heart-pounding, headache-generating middle. Before they were born, we couldn't wait until they arrived. After about 12 years or so we can't wait for them to leave. But whether our kids are 13 or 30, troubled or content, popular or unpopular, we are still their father. Raising children is often exciting, often stressful, sometimes happy, sometimes sad, and always interesting. It's not just a job, man. It's an adventure.

Some fathers hate the thought of raising kids. Others look forward to it with a spry happiness that makes the rest of us wonder where they get all the energy. And still others, like me, sort of stumble along every day in reckless amazement that we can do the job as well as we do. (I sometimes feel like Dr. Frankenstein. I've created this wonderful creature who depends on me to teach him what he needs to know to survive in this world. But I screwed up somewhere along the line and suddenly I have this monster who doesn't listen to a word I say and goes off raiding the townsfolk without even calling to say when he'll be home.)

In the beginning it's great being a father. The whole world is ahead of you and your child. You dream of the fun things you are going to do together. You plan out in your mind how you will share the little bits of wisdom you've managed to eke out of your life up to now. You spend time with your kids. And then suddenly you're replaced by MTV. Friends dominate your child's life, and they don't hear those bits of wisdom anymore. You panic. You try to force your way into your kids' lives--and you fall flat on your face! Now you dream of what it would be like to live in a perfect world, where you are the happy ruler of your castle, and where your happy kids hang on your every word. Then you wake up and realize that raising kids is not what you imagined after all. It's tough. And it's getting tougher every day. Now you really have to work at being a good father.

So you want to have kids?

New fathers listen close. You're in for the ride of your life, man! Parenting is like riding a rollercoaster with no seat bar to hold you in. You are barreling along through life's hills and valleys at about 900 miles an hour, and you are definitely not in control. (You may think you are when you get on the ride, but by the first half you begin to realize that you are merely a participant in the grand scheme of things.) You hold on for dear life, trying to keep from falling out in the loops, trying to show your kids that you are unafraid, that you really know what you're doing--and all the while you feel as if you've just thrown up on your boss on the first day of work. And through the rush of days you see only more track ahead, more hills, more drops, more loops, and you wonder if you are going to make it through to the end, or if there is an end.

Wow! Scary, huh? But is scary bad? You go on the rollercoaster to be thrilled, right? If you eat too many hot dogs before you go on, you get sick too, and you end up sharing the contents of your stomach with the people sitting in front of you. But does it stop you from getting on? Should the scary parts of being a father stop you from trying to be a good one, even if you know you'll fall short?

Attitude is everything.

This is something I have to tell myself every day. When the kids spray each other with the garden hose until the backyard looks like Lake Michigan, I choke back the anger and tell myself, "Attitude is everything". When the new shoes I just bought my kids (at no mean expense) ends up buried in the snow in the driveway, and I wonder how in the world they got there--and what are my kids wearing now?--I tell myself, "Attitude is everything". When my kids tell me they know how to cook eggs in the frying pan, and I decide to trust and let them do it--only to see clouds of black smoke pouring out of the kitchen minutes later, accompanied by the sound of sirens blaring away in the distance--I try hard not to yell and tell myself, "Attitude is everything, man!". Sometimes I end up yelling anyway, but I'm getting better at thinking first.

Still want to have kids? Good. You're on the right track. I was lucky in that I chose to have kids. A lot of guys don't have that luxury. They have kids. Now they have to deal with them. How they choose to do that depends a lot on character, but even more on attitude. Attitude is everything. If you want to do a thing, you can do that thing. It just takes a lot of work and a lot of patience. Some days I think I'm the worst father in the world. Other days I think I'm the greatest father in the world. Actually, I think I'm somewhere in the middle. I don't always do the right thing--half the time I'm not sure what the right thing is--but I make up for what I don't know with what I can learn, and I never stop trying to maintain a positive attitude with my kids. That's all we can do.

And so it begins...

We are fathers. We have our children. We love them. We raise them. We pray to God above we don't get a stroke trying to discipline them. And through it all we are satisfied. Until the next loop in the track.
[an error occurred while processing this directive]