Breastfeeding - Dealing With Criticism

It is really strange that you can be subjected to so much criticism when you do what's best for you and for your child. But it happens, and it's a good idea to start thinking about how you'll handle it.
    There are several approaches that you can take. Which one you choose will depend on your personality, your status, the other person's personality and status, your relationship with the other person, and whether or not you have a mate, relatives, or friends who support you.

• Confront. In some cases, you might just ask the person who is criticizing you that you know what's best for you, and you don't need that person's advice.
• Educate. If you are in an ongoing relationship with the other person, you might want to educate them about the benefits of breastfeeding.
  • Be careful! If you overdo it, they'll just think that you're crazy. You don't want that. You want them to understand that breastfeeding exclusively, on cue, and until your child is ready to wean is the best.
  • You can contact La Leche League for some materials that you can share with the other person,
  • or you can refer them to my web page.
• Ignore. This works with some people. You just change the topic when they start criticizing you, and continue nursing your baby. They might get the clue that you don't want any advice. With some people, it might work to thank them for their concern, but to assure them that you are doing what you believe to be best for your baby (it is your baby, after all).
• Avoid. Sometimes, the only way to deal with criticism is to avoid it.
  • When you have certain visitors, you might resort to breastfeeding in another room.
  • If you are visiting their house, you can say that your baby needs to sleep, go to a quiet room, nurse, and come back, saying that your baby decided not to sleep after all.
  • With some practice, you may even be able to nurse in public so discreetly that most people will think you are just cuddling your baby (believe me; it happened to us).
  • You might consider limiting the time you spend with some people to avoid their criticism of your breastfeeding. If they complain, you can tell them that you feel uncomfortable with them because they don't support your breastfeeding relationship.

Here are some types of criticism you may anticipate getting:

• Your baby is not getting enough milk. You're starving your baby.
  • This is a ubiquitous worry. Don't let it get to you. See the page on maintaining and increasing your milk supply (most likely you have nothing to worry about it anyway).
  • Many people say this whenever a baby is fussy. It's usual for babies to have fussy periods at certain times of the day. Don't blame yourself.
  • Your baby may be going through a growth spurt. Calmly explain what growth spurts are and tell them that you know how to handle it.
• You are feeding your baby too often. She or he will be spoiled/will become a tyrant/will grow too dependent on you.
  • Young babies don't know how to manipulate people. They cry when they need something.
  • Babies need to have their needs satisfied in order to grow independent. Starving someone will not make them independent. It'll make them underfed and neurotic.
• "She (or he) couldn't possibly be hungry". (You often hear this if your baby wants to nurse again soon after finishing).
  • Perhaps so, but hunger isn't the only reason to nurse. Maybe your baby just needs comfort. Your breast is a much more effective and much healthier comforter than a pacifier.
  • She or he could be hungry. Maybe your baby didn't nurse too much last time.
  • She or he could be going through a growth spurt. She or he then needs to suckle often to give your breasts the message that more milk needs to be made.
  • Never listen to this criticism! It's the first step towards losing your milk supply.
• Your baby is too old to nurse. There are many variations on this: "a baby who can walk shouldn't be nursing", "if she (or he) can ask for it, she (or he) is too old for it", etc.
  • Breastmilk continues to be an excellent food for as long as your baby wants to nurse.
  • Breastmilk continues to provide health benefits as long as your baby nurses.
  • Breastfeeding continues providing psychological benefits for many years. A toddler's life is very demanding and frustrating. They have to learn many things, and accept that they are unable to or not allowed to do so many things. The safety and constancy of their mother's breast makes them much better able to cope with their busy life. See the page on the psychological benefits of breastfeeding for more on this.
• See also:
  • Dealing with bad advice

Back to the breastfeeding main page

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