Breastfeeding - The Family Bed

Many people will tell you that taking your baby into your bed is "the greatest mistake you'll ever make." Most books on infant care will teach you tricks to get your baby to sleep alone and through the night. When people who have babies of similar ages, they often talk about whose baby is the first to sleep in her or his own crib and through the night.    There is this big cultural pressure on us to let our babies sleep alone. There is also a big industry revolving around this: many people go to great expenses to decorate a nursery with a fancy crib, fancy wallpaper and everything. Then there are all those gadgets that are supposed to "help" a baby sleep alone: tapes that play heartbeat and womb sounds, mobiles that make noise, teddy bears that snore and so on. Yet, a baby is happiest in her or his parent's arms. All those gadgets are just poor parent substitutes.
    Anyone who has a baby that starts crying in the middle of the night feels an irresistible urge to go and pick up the baby. Yet, the experts tell us that we should not do that.
    What are they so afraid of? Is it so bad to make a baby happy? Is it so bad to make ourselves happy? I think not! Here are some reasons why it's a good idea to take your baby into you bed:

• A young baby needs to nurse several times at night.
  • If your baby is in bed with you, you can nurse her or him without disrupting your sleep much.
  • If your baby is another room, she or he may wake up partially, and go back to sleep without nursing. If you have the baby in your room, you're more likely to catch all the cues for nursing.
  • As night feeding can make up one third of a young baby's calorie intake, it is important to nurse a young baby at night. Sleeping together is the best and most painless way to do this.
• Babies who sleep alone often have nightmares or wake up scared and start screaming.
  • If you have your baby with you in bed, she or he will be aware of your presence, your breathing, your smell, your warmth.
  • Babies who sleep with their parents seldom cry at night.
  • If they do cry, it doesn't last long, as a parent is available to hug or nurse them within a second.
• Perhaps the strongest argument for sleeping with your baby:
  • A baby who sleeps in her or his parents' bed usually wakes up smiling, babbling, or talking.
  • There is nothing as delightful as a baby who wakes up with big smile on her or his face, and few things as dreadful as a baby who wakes up screaming, as most babies who sleep alone will do regularly.
• Babies who sleep with their parents are considerably less likely to die from SIDS.

Why are people so worried about sleeping with their babies?

• Many people are afraid of rolling over their babies and harming them.
  • A person who is asleep is nonetheless aware of what's around them. You will not roll over your baby.
  • If you are drunk, however, or have taken drugs or medication that makes you drowsy, then you shouldn't have a baby in your bed.
• Many people think that a baby who sleeps with her or his parents will be overly dependent (or develop other problems).
  • This is all made up. It is not based on anything anyone has observed.
  • A baby who sleeps with her or his parents eventually want her or his own bed.
  • She or he will then sleep alone. You should still let your child join you in your bed if she or he feels scared or lonely at night. This too will pass at its own pace.
  • Remember: children who are forced to develop faster than they are wired to will become overly cautious and insecure.
  • Children who receive all the attention and love they need, and are allowed to take their developmental steps when they are ready become secure, comfortable individuals.
  • This includes letting your baby or child come to your bed as long as she or he wants to, child-led weaning, and child-led toilet training.
• Respect your child, and don't forget that your child is a human being who has needs and feelings. Everything else should follow naturally.
• Remember the torture parents and babies used to go through in the sixties (and still do in some places):
  • Babies were kept away from their parents in the hospital nursery, and brought to their mothers to feed every four hours (or not at all, and their mothers were give lactation-suppressing drugs). Feedings were limited to a few minutes (out of a baseless fear of sore nipples).
  • Mothers often couldn't sleep at night, and would go to the nursery door and look in to see their crying baby, who they were not allowed to have until the scheduled time.
  • There the mother would stand, her now engorged breasts aching, and tears in her eyes. And the baby would be crying inside.
  • Today, most people have realized that this unnecessary cruelty does not help anyone. Most hospitals will allow you to room in with your baby. If your baby stays at the well baby nursery, you'll be able to have her or him whenever you wish.
• The situation with sleeping arrangements at home is very similar to the cruel hospital situation described above:
  • Your baby is screaming. If she or he is old enough to talk, she or he is probably calling out your name.
  • You are standing outside the baby's door, a tear dropping from your eye every time your baby calls you.
  • You know that if you go in and hold your baby, everyone will be happy.
  • But the experts tell you that your baby needs to sleep through the night alone, so you don't allow yourself to go to your baby.
• Forget what the experts say, listen to your baby, listen to your heart! And don't worry, people who have slept with their babies can tell you in no uncertain times that their babies are happier and more independent as a result.

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