The Rebel Without A Pause - From Dad's Point of Viewby Bob Schwartz
I first encountered "the look" shortly after my son turned two. I had just finished admonishing him to not climb under the kitchen table during dinner. My son cocked his head, looked directly at me, and without hesitation he gave me "the look". With uncertain resolve, I stared back at him and knew that I had seen this type of expression before. I was slowly becoming a little nervous as he continued with his penetrating gaze. Suddenly it struck me! He was giving me an uncanny rendition of Robert DeNiro in Taxi Driver. Although inaudible, it spoke volumes in revealing the chasm we now stood gazing across. "The look" continued, and I could clearly see DeNiro practicing his tough guy imitation in front of the mirror, repeating his mantra of "Are you talkin' to me?" My son's gaze carried with it DeNiro's incredulous tone and he conveyed the frightening message that "You can't be talkin' to me! No way. Uh uh. Who are you kidding? Didn't anyone ever tell you I'm a two-year-old? Don't you know what that means? Do you know what you are up against? I've got stamina. I've got unparalleled perseverance, drive and determination. I'm a rebel without a pause. I've got screaming and crying at decibels you've never heard before. Don't push me too hard. You're outmatched big guy!" My son went back under the kitchen table shaking his head with what seemed to be total disbelief. I knew he was probably muttering to himself, "Does this guy think he owns the place? Hasn't anybody told him who's in charge here?" I wholeheartedly confess that "the look" sent a shiver right through me. My fear was the show down at the O.K. Corral had now occurred. He was now galloping off into the sunset, and I was still looking for my holster. Gone was the calm, delicate and dependent loving baby who never questioned the voice of authority. The future would be a miniature revolutionary struggling for independence from, what he perceived to be an oppressive regime. His tools of rebellion included crying, kicking, screaming, and selective hearing. It always perplexed me to hear the experts talk about the two year stage as being a struggle for independence. My reply was "Independence! Independence from what? From having every meal cooked for you? From being able to sleep as much as you want? From having someone immediately respond to any request that you make? From having someone bathe and dress you? From having someone chauffeur you everywhere while you get to listen to 'The Wheels on the Bus' for the 473rd time? Independence from this? If adults had someone caring for them as much as a two-year-old does, do you think they would be struggling to assert their independence? No! They would be wondering what this resort is costing them! A two year old's life is actually more of a continuous all expenses paid vacation with a personal valet!" Unfortunately, a two-year-old does not have your vast reservoir of experience to recognize they've got it made. Similarly, to some degree, parents don't recognize that some of the traits their two-year-old is presently exhibiting (including determination and indefatigability) are the same ones which, years from now, parents will wish their children would exhibit a little bit more. If, as a teenager, your child lacks the perseverance, drive and steadfast resolution you so deliberately tried to instill in them, you may understand it a little bit better when they respond, "Mom, the problem is I burnt out as a two year old! I'm spent."
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