Communicating with Your Children - From Dad's Point of Viewby Dr. Ken Canfield
Copyright 1999 National Center for Fathering
Reprinted with Permission In the News ...
In an effort to understand the minute details of father/child interaction, researchers Diamond and Bond studied dads and kids fishing together. After cataloging 88 clearly defined categories of conduct, they observed that father and child interactions, including gestures, are very often intertwined. Whether baiting a hook or casting a line, the children carefully and earnestly followed their fathers' actions and instructions. As the children grew more proficient, fathers would express affirmation with a smile. Bond's analysis of the interaction suggests that when fathers were fishing with their children, they did so on an "instrumental" and "expressive" level--meaning that the activity seemed to engage both their task orientation and their emotions, their heads and their hearts. Bond stated, "There is sufficient evidence to show that, within a specific context like fishing, fathers appear to be highly attuned to the needs of their children." To Think About ...
Fathers teach skills and model behavior in hundreds of ways. But sometimes what we model and teach is completely different from what we had planned, as Daryl Heald will attest. Mr. Heald had the mettle to take three of his four children along on a recent business/leisure trip. He wanted to expose them to what he does and have some fun at the same time. All was going smoothly until one of his children got sick and lost his most recent meal in a hotel room. As Daryl cleaned up and then took the kids to catch their plane, another child got sick. By the time they were airborn, Daryl was making constant trips to the rear of the aircraft with a child as the flight attendants watched sympathetically. After the whole adventure was over, Mr. Heald had this to say about it: "I'd rather be with my kids hanging out in the aircraft lavatory than sitting in first class, drinking champagne and watching a movie." This father was being "instrumental" in taking care of his children and modeling responsibility, and his heart was engaged as well. In the Trenches ...
In our annual trek to the Sierra Mountains last week, NCF teamed with Summit Adventures to take dads and their kids to the top--in more ways than one. During this action-filled expedition, we spent extended time pushing the limits, both physically and relationally. The highlight for the fathers was administering a blessing upon their children in front of the other fathers and children in their group. Mark Ehrlich gave a moving blessing to his son Elliott, appealing to his heritage by speaking in Hebrew and in English. ACTION POINTS for Committed Dads
1. When teaching a skill or participating in an activity this weekend, make sure a smile, hug or affirming nod is a part of the teaching.
2. Check your calendar and, if possible, include your children on a business outing with you. Make sure they have a chance to see you in action on the job.
3. Speak an affirming word to each of your children about your hopes for them as they enter a new academic year. If you talk about any expectations for them, make sure to include, "I'm proud to be your dad, no matter what."
4. If you're a father-to-be, place your hand on your wife's womb and speak a blessing over the child inside.
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