Ideas for Grandparents - From Dad's Point of Viewby Dr. Ken Canfield
Copyright 1999 National Center for Fathering
Reprinted with Permission In the News ... Last week the Census Bureau reported that there are nearly 5.5 million children--7.7% of all children in America--who live with their grandparents. Three-quarters of these children live in their grandparents' home, some with one or both parents also living there. But 1.3 million children live in a grandparent's home without their parents. This is usually due to their parents' death, illness, substance abuse, imprisonment, or rare job situation. These grandparents are doing heroic duty. Having raised their own children, they are now standing in the gap and raising a second generation of children. We should honor and thank them sincerely--and often. To Think About ... Most of you reading this FatherFax are in a different position than this. But it's important to remember that all children need grandfathers or grandfather-figures. Granddads can do things for children that no one else can do--much more than just spoiling them.
1) They can often provide a more objective perspective on their grandchild's growth and development.
2) They are more relaxed, so they aren't as likely to get sidetracked by pressure at work or a thousand other details. They're free to enjoy just spending time with their grandchildren.
3) They provide another model for manhood, demonstrating what it's like for a man to age with dignity and grace.
4) They are great at transmitting values, since they can more easily get past the power struggles and expectations that come with parent-child relationships.
5) They're often great listeners and have a special window to a child's heart. If you're a granddad, how are you doing in these five areas? If you're a dad, are you creating opportunities for your children's grandfather to play this important role? In the Trenches ... Ron Nichols, our Director of Training, has a cherished memory of his grandfather. Every morning, to finish off his breakfast, his granddad would have half a grapefruit. For five-year-old Ron, this was one of the greatest things in the world because of what happened afterward. His grandpa took the squeezed-out rind and, without looking, would toss it with a quick flip of his wrist over his shoulder, all the way across the kitchen, nothing but net, right into the sink. According to Ron, he never missed. That simple ritual has stayed with Ron for many years, and it's those simple, irreplaceable experiences that help to build a unique connection between grandfathers and grandchildren. ACTION POINTS for Committed Fathers 1.Tell your children about a special memory you have of your grandfather.
2.If your children's biological grandparents are deceased or live far away, "adopt" an elderly couple as surrogate grandparents.
3.Honor your father in a way that your children can see--by giving a gift, helping with a task, or meeting some other need that he has.
4.Create traditions or rituals for your family that are shared only by the grandfather and grandchildren (special games, ice cream treats, fishing, tossing grapefruit rinds).
5.Visit our website at www.fathers.com and check out the articles for granddads under Practical Tips.
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