The Great Spanking Debate This kind of conversation always comes up and we all know that it will never resolve. I'd like to add my thoughts on this though, for whatever its worth.
I agree that spanking is not effective. I think the most startling example of this was when I first became a no spank parent. Aidyn, our first, was about 11 months old and was hitting us constantly. One poignant moment for me was having her slap my face and I hit her hand and said, "We don't hit! It's not nice". Keith was sitting on the couch and I was on the floor with her and we both just looked at each other and I said, "well how ridiculous does *that* sound???" This is when we decided not to spank. However, Aidyn has been spanked on 5 occasions, all of them were when mommy was at her wits end and lost control of *herself* or when the behavior had escalated beyond time-outs and conversations. One particular incident was when her sister was just a newborn. Maison was resting *finally* in her playpen in the living room and while many times Aidyn had climbed into the portable crib, only to be removed and distracted, this particular day it wasn't working. Aidyn climbed into the portable crib and was found jumping *all 25 lbs of her* up and down on her sister's chest *Maison was about 9lbs*. It took all of my restraint not to throw Aidyn across the room! I ended up removing her from the crib, spanking her twice on the bottom *diaper* and putting her in her room for time-out. Admittedly, I could have done without the spank, and later apologized to Aidyn and let her know that mommy was wrong to hit her and would she forgive me. In hindsight, I find it very difficult to judge people who spank now. On that day, adrenaline took over where clear thought and rationalization should have been. She could've killed my infant daughter. I think anyone in that situation would've reacted in such a way. I don't condone spanking. I particularly don't condone it when a parent is frustrated or tired and is merely taking it out on their child. If your kids are being kids and they are running around and screaming and mommy has a headache so she blows a gasket and spanks them, this is wrong, BUT if your child runs into the road after you have told them 20 times to stay out of the road, and given them a time-out or 5 and taken away their wagon, and they nearly get hit by a bus, first your going to spank them for not listening to you and then you are going to break down, hug them and thank God they are ok. I think the most important thing we can do with our children is teach them that parenting is very hard that we make mistakes and it's ok as long as you say your sorry. I don't think any of us can claim to be saints in the parenting realm, we have all done things we regret. My solution for parents who are feeling burned out is to separate themselves from the kids for awhile. Leave DH with the kids so you could go for a walk, or to the movies, or to get a sundae for yourself by yourself? Then you could switch and he could go out for awhile. Its hard to be a SAH parent. Its hard to be around your highly energetic children all day, and I do think that parents can lose it, its all a matter of whether you can catch yourself before you do something you don't want to do like spank your child. It has never been an issue of I'm bigger and I can do that. When Aidyn hits me, or is about to hit me, I acknowledge that she is probably angry and that I understand her anger but that she cant hit me. If she does hit me, I let her know that it hurt and that it made me sad, and I ask her to apologize. I respect her like she respects me. You can take this anyway you want to. I just think that its not necessarily my place to judge others because you never know what you will or would do in their situation. I know what I like and don't like but that doesn't mean you feel the same way I do, because I hate liver and I love mint chocolate chip ice cream and I'm sure someone out their would disagree with me on either account. Kristina
Kristina is a 25 year old mother of 2 daughters, Aidyn 2 3/4 yrs and Maison 10 months. She has been married to Keith for 3 3/4 yrs. She is a SAHM....works part-time <4 days a MONTH!!> as a nurse. She is also President and Founder of a local chapter of the International support group for at-home mothers, the MOMS ClubAdditionally, she is an aerobics fanatic, Wanna-Be Organized, disorganized mother and wife!!!
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The Great Spanking Debate Monday, 12 January 2009 The Great Spanking Debate This kind of conversation always comes up and we all know that it will never resolve. I'd like to add my...
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