It's All in the Way You Say It

 
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I like to hang out with the techies. I think they're cool. They think I'm a geek. That's the worst blow - the geeks think I'M the geek. How humiliating. But for some reason, they let me hang out with them. Maybe because they feel like a mentor to me, maybe they enjoy passing on their unsurpassed wealth of computer knowlege, maybe because someone besides them is the second class citizen for a change. Seriously -they let me hang out for the yucks.

I know just enough about computers and technology to hang myself. It's a suicidal situation. I can talk techie circles around the unsavvy - such as my 2 year old. My 4 year old, however, has called my bluff more than once. I learned that I can't pull the technological wool over her eyes. Once she defragmented my hard drive, I knew I was beat.

Any normal fool would comprehend their technological limits and stay within those boundaries - but not me. That would only make sense! Why do things that make my life easier? I hang with full fledge techies. Computer programers - guys with degrees out the ying-yang. Guys who know their lingo and their acronyms - which is the rope I used to hang myself.

The other day I found myself in the presence of a bona-fide techie and fell into my routine. The one where the Homer Simpson spirit takes over my mind and mouth and won't shut up. Doh!

I was holding my ground heartily and was making strides. I talked networking, Macs, e-commerce and hard drives. I bantered programming, DOS and PC's. And then I wove my noose. I brought up Desktop Publishing and how I have an incredible desire to venture deeper into Adobe and Freehand. (I know of the software and I think I saw the CD once.) And like a black widow spider, my fellow techie followed a hunch and wove a web for me. Tell me more. he urged. Oh, I want to utilize Freehand to enhance my Graphic Design. I can talk the talk, but can't walk the walk.

My techie friend seemed so genuinely interested in my adventures in graphic design and desktop publishing. I let my guard down. Immediately, he stole the opportunity to put me in my place and him in his. With a single raised eyebrow, he casually queried What do you find most challenging about DTP? The noose tightened.

My heart stopped and my mind raced. Frantically I forced myself to decipher DTP. What the hell is that?! I was busted. I impassively tried to play my stupidity off to my adversary who was eager to hear my impending answer.

DTP? I feigned vague interest. My techie chum cracked the slightest smirk. DTP - you know - DESK TOP PUBLISHING? Doh! Homer Simpson strikes again. I was naked - stripped of my technology tidings. He had denounced me for what I really was. A wanna-be geek.

As he was giving himself mental high-fives, I sulked away cursing Homer Simpson for letting me succumb to the techie web of death.

You'd think I would have learned my lesson after being so shamelessly humiliated. But of course not. I retold my techie horror story to the one person who would have sympathy - the one who would know my technological limits - my 4 year old. With a sympathetic smile and warm hug, my daughter looked me firmly in the eye and instructed me not to fool around with TLA's. I wiped away the tears of shame, sniffed and pretended to understand. I won't, I promised. My 4 year old looked at me sternly and questioned, Mommy, do you know what a TLA is? Uh oh - quick - what do I do? I plead ingnorance. Mom, TLA means THREE LETTER ACRONYM. Not don't fool around with stuff you don't understand. Doh!

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