Airplane Woes
by Wendy Wheatley Chances are that at one time or another, you have flown in an airplane. If not, pay close attention, there are many unwritten "rules" you absolutely must adhere to if you want to fly. First, always make sure you're late to the airport. This makes you appear extremely important. You know - your limo driver wasn't on time, the President wanted your last minute opinion, Tom Cruise dropped by unexpectedly. You get the point. If you're a beginner and showing up late worries you - fake it. Frantically run to your gate with your luggage as if your life depended on it - which brings us to: Rule #2 - NEVER check your luggage. What are you thinking? You're much too important to stand with the other scum of the earth to wait. Come on! Just carry your luggage off of the plane with you and frantically run to catch your "limo" outside. Get it? Good!! Once you've caught your plane (at the last possible moment, of course), make sure to find your seat at a leisurely rate. What's this? You're sitting next to a family? With small children? AAARRGGHH! Congratulations! That's me! And of course, all 3 of the girls are bored before the plane has even left the gate. "Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom." "Mommy, she's on my side." "Mommy, she's touching me!!" How much did you pay for this seat? This is not the in-flight entertainment you were expecting. You can't exit the plane - it's left the gate and the windows are sealed shut. Unbelievable - the businessman's worst nightmare - coach seating next to children. When my husband and I fly with our 3 young children, we are somehow always seated next to the unsuspecting businessman who simply wants to sit back and rest. And we both know that's just not going to happen. My children come equipped with a scientific radar that targets adults who do not want to be bothered and tells the children specifically in what way to horrify the adult. What mystifies me is that my children are relatively good kids. However, their radar also knows what behavior pushes my buttons and they can whip out terrors at precise moments that horrify and embarrass me to no end. Needless to say, whenever we fly, they do just that. The oldest wets her pants, the middle one howls horribly throughout the flight and the baby projectile vomits. Boy, how I love to travel. And if you ever happen to sit next to me on your next flight (believe me, you'll know!) - I'm sorry!! Really, I'm sorry. And by the way, could you hold the baby for a minute? Here's a burp rag - I think you'll need it - trust me on this one.
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Airplane Woes - From Mom's Point of ViewWednesday, 28 January 2009 Airplane Woes by Wendy Wheatley Chances are that at one time or another, you have flown in an airplane. If not, pay close attention,...
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