Setting Your Own Agenda
By Cattie Gosselin of Woman Links I remember as a child, the message to 'fit in' bombarded me, like most girls, at every turn. Clothes shopping with my mom, for example, wasn't about buying what I liked. Instead, we bought what was affordable and 'appropriate' for a girl. That usually meant some butt-ugly polyester pants or a 'nice' skirt instead of bell-bottomed jeans sporting the 'Have a Nice Day' smiley face patch on the backside. (but I digress....) All in all, there were several times when 'what will the neighbors think?' took precedence over what I wanted. So, I grew up thinking that fitting in was more important than my own priorities. (sound familiar?) What followed was several years of emotional and spiritual stuffing. If I didn't match everyone else, there must be something wrong with me, right? This life pretty much crushes any spark of individuality. While stuffing your Self into a pigeonhole, self-criticism and self-consciousness replace self-esteem and self-pride. It isn't very comfortable. Hiding in the crowd becomes the goal, rather than healthy self-expression. Last week in yoga class, we were doing a series of movements called the Sun Salutation. One movement involved a wide, sweeping arm movement coordinated with an inhalation. My instructor encouraged us to 'take up some space' during the exercise. I don't think I have ever heard anyone in my life tell me it was okay to do this. What a concept! Girls and women are still bombarded with the 'fit in' message every day. What's worse, the message often conflicts with itself, so all that is left is some impossible neurosis-inducing 'rules to live by'. Be pretty, be smart (but not too smart), speak up (but not too much), get a high power career job (stay at home with the kids), nurse your babies (but not in public). The day all that is flushed down the toilet and is the day we all learn what we are is pretty cool after all. What the neighbors think is only as important as we allow it to be. Once the pigeonhole gets uncomfortable enough, the alternative doesn't seem so daunting. Setting your own agenda and standards isn't impossible. It's just a matter of allowing yourself to 'take up some space'. all the best, Catie
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