Faith and Harmony

I've started this article three times. Not knowing where you are in your quest or what questions are pursed on your lips, it is difficult to know where to begin, or where to pick up from. Unsure if I should tell about my journey and observations and afraid to encroach on the topic that my Mother told me never to discuss with any one but my spouse. With all that said...

My faith has been a journey - a long one. I didn't wake up one day and know how to pray, or know where to go worship. My parents had a desire to raise me with morals and guides, therefore they would drop me and my older brother off at the Presbyterian Sunday School to learn "it". After about a year of Sunday School our families attendance dropped to Christmas and Easter services. At age ten, my best friend would tell me Bible stories in the privacy of her bedroom and invite me to youth group outings. At about this time, I committed my first (and last) crime. The same friend who told me Bible stories thought it would be a great idea to shoplift gum from the local grocery store. It was a very awful and surreal event in my childhood. We got away with it. The guilt that I experienced was unbearable! It was the very first time that I ever prayed to God. I prayed for hours, an entire afternoon and evening. I cried and prayed, "What should I do? I need your help!" Suddenly, I sat up in bed and called my Mom into my room and confessed the entire event. At that moment I knew there was an all powerful, all knowing, all loving and caring God. God gave me the strength and courage I sought to make the situation right. I felt so much relief that the consequence of going to the store and fessing up was easy in comparison to living with my guilt.

At this point, I became a believer. I believed with my heart that there was a God and he was here to help me when I needed it. But it wasn't until I was sixteen that my family found a church and began to attend on a more regular basis (about twice a month). It was at this Non-denominational church that I was baptized and would later be married, but at this church, I would not strengthen my faith. I merely had faith. Over the six years I spent at this church I didn't learn about God and his will or his ways. I just attended. I was involved with Youth Groups and this committee and that, but never learned much about God. My faith was still that of a ten-year-old. I prayed for strength and guidance. It was enough to keep me on the right road, but not enough to propel me down it. I was standing and smelling the flowers and gazing at the clouds. God's hand was outstretched to me, but I had not taken a hold to move forward. My journey was going very slow, only at the time I didn't realize it.

I met my husband about a month before my twentieth birthday, on a blind date (another reason for my faith :o). Tim's family is religious. Or at least what I would call religious. They attend church every Sunday, sometimes on Wednesday and for every Holiday. They sent six of their seven children to Lutheran schools and to a Catholic high school. Tim's father prays before every meal and says "Bless you," instead of "I love you," when leaving the house. I began attending church with Tim and his family. We started out as casual church goers. "We've been two weeks in a row, so we can take a break for a couple of weeks." We moved to Ohio for a year and didn't find a church and then moved home. We had been together four years and married for one. After four years of marriage and casual church attendance we decided to start our family. This is when our views had an about face concerning church.

We decided that our children would attend Sunday School and probably attend Christian school, just as Tim had been raised. But we needed to set the example. We started to attend weekly services. My own personal relationship with God was still faltering. I knew what had to be done, but I still wasn't making it any further down the path. I did not become a member of St. Paul's until very recently because I was unable to come to terms with what it meant. It meant that I would be a Lutheran. In the past I was a nothing... I was non-denominational. I didn't say anyone's religion was right or wrong. I believed that we could just love God and he would love us. I still believe that, but I am now Lutheran. I do believe that in my walk and journey with God I am standing closer to him. I am learning about him and holding his hand in Faith. Because I am Lutheran I now feel as though I am walking down the road. My three-year-old son began Sunday School a few months ago and I have been right beside him learning about Jesus and his journeys. Learning the songs that he is learning and praying the words that he is learning. My son's faith is already richer than it has taken me thirty years to build. Together we talk about what we have learned and we sing the songs in the car and tell the stories before we go to bed.

I know that my faith has evolved from the ten-year-old of years gone simply because when I say a prayer, instead of the word "wish" I now say "pray". Instead of praying once a month and not knowing where to begin, prayers leave my mind and lips throughout the day.

I could tell you the stories of how God has guided my life, how I know full well that it was He who led me to the people I needed to find. How He has led in journeys we would have never embarked. How my life is richer and fuller and moving forward because God loves me and I am loving him back. Faith and Harmony go hand in hand.

Brenda
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