So, I am looking at the calendar here, and I get reminded that soon I will have been married to my wonderful husband for 16 years. Hmmm. Not bad by today’s standards. So, three kids later, a house, a mortgage, a pile of bills, hubby working overtime, school clothes to buy, car repairs to pay for and oh so much to worry about, how do we keep it together?
I have a lot of people ask me the secret of a happy marriage. I think if I had to pick one single thing, it would be our commitment to one another. I may not always be passionately in lust with my husband, and I may occasionally be frustrated with him, and I am sure that I have irked him many a time, but when you cut to the bottom line, we made a promise and a commitment to one another. That commitment gets us through the rough spots and on to better places.
So, we have the commitment that holds us together, but what about the rest? Obviously by looking at today’s divorce rate, it is just not enough. People often ask me how we stay happy and in love with each other. My answer? He is my best friend in the whole world. I married someone that I truly and deeply love to be with. Even if I wasn’t married to him, I would want to be his friend. We enjoy a lot of the same activities, and we think alike and agree on most things. We spend time talking with each other, and we spend quiet time just enjoying that the other is there.
Okay, so I have this great commitment with a wonderful friend. Hmmm. Still not enough for a happy marriage. So what else is there? Romance and lust don’t last. If you build a marriage on that, it probably will not work. But, throw romance and lust into the mix of commitment and friendship and you have a recipe for a long lasting adventure. Although I am not walking around like a teenager on her first crush, my husband still has the power to melt my knees with a smile. We have our lulls and our rough spots like any couple, but in the end, I know that he is the man of my dreams.
Now, throw in trust, humor, (lots of it) and a little quiet time alone and you have a good recipe. Even if it is just a night out at a movie, or as much as a weekend at a hotel, you HAVE to make time for yourselves. I love being a mommy, but sometimes you have to let your husband see the non mommy side of you too to keep things fresh and romantic. Corny as it sounds, throw a love letter in his lunch box. Call him at work just to tell him that you miss him. And never, ever let him leave the house without kissing him good bye and telling him that you love him.
I am not an expert on marriage, and I don’t claim to know all the answers. On my 70th anniversary maybe I will probably have more advice, but for now, I hope this helps someone 🙂
Until next time…