Wood you like to hear some hilarious and creative wood puns that will make you chipper – or some great wood jokes that will really spruce up your day?
Here are some of the best creative wood puns out there, including one-liner wood puns and wood puns about love.
Wood Puns One Liners
- It would be horrible if Pinnochio was made a real woman instead, wooden tit?
- Why did the carpenter spend all his time in the forest with his books? Because he was doing some tree-search.
- What do you call a woodworker’s shop assistant who has three fingers? Dave, don’t be mean.
- What do you call a carpenter who has only two of his fingers left? Really dedicated to his job.
- What do you call a carpenter with one hand? Bad at a circular saw.
- Why did the lumberjack write loving letters to his mistress every week? Because he was pining.
- What do you call a hut that’s made from sticks? A twigloo.
Wood Puns Names
- What would you do when you find a piece of wood with a face in it? Call the police, you don’t know where to find the rest of it.
- What’s the worst type of wood to use when you’re making a boat? Driftwood.
- Why was the lumberjack investigated by the government? Tree-son.
- Why was the lumberjack the most popular guy in town? Because he gave great wood.
- What’s the worst thing you can give a lumberjack’s wife? Wood.
- Why was the plumber’s wife so angry she wanted a divorce? Because the carpenter gave her some wood.
- What do you call the most depressed type of tree out there? The weeping Willow.
- Why did the woman leave her carpenter husband? Because his colleague could give her better wood.
Morning Wood Puns
- What’s the worst wood to make a house out of? Firewood.
- What’s the zombie’s favorite type of wood for a barbecue? Dead wood.
- What do you get if you buy your woodworking supplies from the wrong store? Screwed.
- Why did the carpenter’s wife go to the hardware store every Wednesday night? To get a screw.
- Why do we see so many Christmas trees at Christmas? Because Jesus was a carpenter.
- Why are matchsticks made from wood? Because metal wouldn’t light.
- Why did Pinnocchio get a prescription for Viagra from his doctor? Because he was feeling self-conscious about his nose.
- What’s the worst wood to find on the inside of a coffin? Morning wood.
Wood Puns About Love
- Why did the tree enjoy sending love letters to everyone? Because he was a real sap.
- What do Canadian lumberjacks like to have on their waffles? You knew the answer could only be maple syrup.
- What’s the difference between a dog and a tree? A tree won’t bark after you’ve hit it with a car.
- What’s the difference between a dog and a tree? A tree has bark, but no bite.
- What did Pinnocchio have under his clothes? A woodpecker.
- What’s the worst game you can play with a tree? Hangman.
- What’s the most dangerous type of wood to use for a bonfire? Wood that you stole from someone’s husband while they were on vacation.
Funny Firewood Puns
- How do you know the age of a lumberjack? You’ll have to count his rings.
- What do you get if you cut pine the wrong way three times in a row? Fired from your job as a coffin maker.
- What should you wear if you go swimming by the lake near the forest? Swimming trunks.
- Which actor has a face that looks like it was carved out of wood? Matthew Mahogany.
- What do you call a lumberjack who can do the work of five men by himself? Dead.
- What do you call wood that shatters when you drop it? Glass.
- Why aren’t most windows made from wood? Because most houses aren’t made out of glass.
- Who should you call when you see the neighbor’s house on fire? Ghostbusters.
- What do you call a lumberjack who doesn’t know how to use powertools? Disabled soon.
- Why should you wear goggles when you’re working with wood in a workshop? Because naked wood feels self-conscious about it.
- What do you call a tree? Anything, they haven’t grown ears yet.
- How do you know which type of wood the dresser table is made out of? Take some LSD and ask it.
- The lumberjack was confused after his wife left him. He didn’t know what he could have done wrong. To tell you the truth, he was absolutely stumped.
- Why did your great-grandparents carve their names into trees when they were younger? So they could remember them now.
- Where did the Scottish woodworker keep all his money? In his shavings.
- What do lumberjacks do when the bank is closed? They go to the other branch.
- Why do pizza delivery guys find it so hard to get a job? Because wood-fired-pizza.