Creative Wood Puns That Will Make You Chipper

Wood you like to hear some hilarious and creative wood puns that will make you chipper – or some great wood jokes that will really spruce up your day?

Here are some of the best creative wood puns out there, including one-liner wood puns and wood puns about love.

Creative Wood Puns That Will Make You Chipper

Wood Puns One Liners

  • It would be horrible if Pinnochio was made a real woman instead, wooden tit?
  • Why did the carpenter spend all his time in the forest with his books? Because he was doing some tree-search.
  • What do you call a woodworker’s shop assistant who has three fingers? Dave, don’t be mean.
  • What do you call a carpenter who has only two of his fingers left? Really dedicated to his job.
  • What do you call a carpenter with one hand? Bad at a circular saw.
  • Why did the lumberjack write loving letters to his mistress every week? Because he was pining.
  • What do you call a hut that’s made from sticks? A twigloo.

Wood Puns Names

  • What would you do when you find a piece of wood with a face in it? Call the police, you don’t know where to find the rest of it.
  • What’s the worst type of wood to use when you’re making a boat? Driftwood.
  • Why was the lumberjack investigated by the government? Tree-son.
  • Why was the lumberjack the most popular guy in town? Because he gave great wood.
  • What’s the worst thing you can give a lumberjack’s wife? Wood.
  • Why was the plumber’s wife so angry she wanted a divorce? Because the carpenter gave her some wood.
  • What do you call the most depressed type of tree out there? The weeping Willow.
  • Why did the woman leave her carpenter husband? Because his colleague could give her better wood.

Morning Wood Puns

  • What’s the worst wood to make a house out of? Firewood.
  • What’s the zombie’s favorite type of wood for a barbecue? Dead wood.
  • What do you get if you buy your woodworking supplies from the wrong store? Screwed.
  • Why did the carpenter’s wife go to the hardware store every Wednesday night? To get a screw.
  • Why do we see so many Christmas trees at Christmas? Because Jesus was a carpenter.
  • Why are matchsticks made from wood? Because metal wouldn’t light.
  • Why did Pinnocchio get a prescription for Viagra from his doctor? Because he was feeling self-conscious about his nose.
  • What’s the worst wood to find on the inside of a coffin? Morning wood.

Wood Puns About Love

  • Why did the tree enjoy sending love letters to everyone? Because he was a real sap.
  • What do Canadian lumberjacks like to have on their waffles? You knew the answer could only be maple syrup.
  • What’s the difference between a dog and a tree? A tree won’t bark after you’ve hit it with a car.
  • What’s the difference between a dog and a tree? A tree has bark, but no bite.
  • What did Pinnocchio have under his clothes? A woodpecker.
  • What’s the worst game you can play with a tree? Hangman.
  • What’s the most dangerous type of wood to use for a bonfire? Wood that you stole from someone’s husband while they were on vacation.

Creative Wood Puns That Will Make You Chipper

Funny Firewood Puns

  • How do you know the age of a lumberjack? You’ll have to count his rings.
  • What do you get if you cut pine the wrong way three times in a row? Fired from your job as a coffin maker.
  • What should you wear if you go swimming by the lake near the forest? Swimming trunks.
  • Which actor has a face that looks like it was carved out of wood? Matthew Mahogany.
  • What do you call a lumberjack who can do the work of five men by himself? Dead.
  • What do you call wood that shatters when you drop it? Glass.
  • Why aren’t most windows made from wood? Because most houses aren’t made out of glass.
  • Who should you call when you see the neighbor’s house on fire? Ghostbusters.
  • What do you call a lumberjack who doesn’t know how to use powertools? Disabled soon.
  • Why should you wear goggles when you’re working with wood in a workshop? Because naked wood feels self-conscious about it.
  • What do you call a tree? Anything, they haven’t grown ears yet.
  • How do you know which type of wood the dresser table is made out of? Take some LSD and ask it.
  • The lumberjack was confused after his wife left him. He didn’t know what he could have done wrong. To tell you the truth, he was absolutely stumped.
  • Why did your great-grandparents carve their names into trees when they were younger? So they could remember them now.
  • Where did the Scottish woodworker keep all his money? In his shavings.
  • What do lumberjacks do when the bank is closed? They go to the other branch.
  • Why do pizza delivery guys find it so hard to get a job? Because wood-fired-pizza.

 

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