The law is a serious practice, but we can still poke fun at it. Lawyer jokes are a fun way to look at the industry in a lighthearted manner. Let’s look at a few law jokes and puns.
Short lawyer jokes
A man sued the hotel for losing his luggage. Unfortunately, he lost his case.
Don’t judge a law book by the cover-up.
A lawyer visited a local restaurant for a drink after winning a trial. The waiter asked, “what can I get you with your whiskey?”, “just-ice,” the lawyer replied.
The judge administered the semicolon that committed the crimes two consecutive sentences.
Children may not attend the bar examination because they’re underage.
The lawyer worked on Cole’s law over lunch.
My friend called a lawyer because he found his neighbor’s hair littered across his property. The court booked the neighbor for tress-passing.
The lawyer was arrested at the mall for not staying under house arrest mandated by the court. “Halt, you’re under a-rest,” shouted the cop.
Abraham Lincoln never needed a lawyer because he was in-a-cent.
Funny lawyer jokes one-liners
The lawyer moved his cow because it received a mooing violation.
The lawyer’s client faced the death penalty because of his bad execution.
After chickens graduate from law school, they retain the title of legal tenders.
My husband’s parents fled from the police after a hefty argument. Now, they’re my out-laws.
My lawyer friend stole my tux after his wedding. I’m going to file a lawsuit against him tomorrow.
The priest who graduates law school is known as a “father-in-law.”
The lawyer won his lawsuit for stolen luggage lawsuit in a few hours. It was a brief case.
Law Student Jokes
Why did the law student wear a shirt with no sleeves to court? Because he felt he had the right to bare arms.
Why couldn’t the convicted law student return to his apartment? Because it wasn’t re-leased.
The divorce law student decided to name his new law firm “Null and Void.”
What do law students require to make any event a huge success? At least two parties.
Why didn’t the badly-dressed law student pass the bar? He failed to make a good appearance.
Why was the law student prevented from sleeping on the park bench? He was served with a bench warrant.
Why did the law student fail to reappear in court after paying his bail? He didn’t take a personal bond.
Why did the airline lawyer win her case against the newbie law student? He forgot his arguments in his brief.
Why did the law student fail to win her case? She had no conviction.
How did the law student score the best grades in his class? He studied his flaws closely.
Judge jokes
What did the judge exclaim after the defendant passed gas in the courtroom? Odor! Odor in my court!
What’s the similarity between an English teacher and a judge? They both hand out short and long sentences.
Why did the judge declare the horse innocent? It deneighed the accusations.
Why did the judge give the penguin bail? He wasn’t a flight risk.
What did the judge say to a battery when he stood in the dock? I find you guilty as charged.
What did the judge use to balance the lizard’s arguments? The “scales” of justice.
Why do judges dread listening to a cross-examination? It gives them test anxiety.
Why did the judge sentence the defendant to 20 years for breaking the lamp? The man didn’t pay the damages.
Lawyer jokes
What is the primary difference between a lawyer and God? God understands He’s not a lawyer.
What’s the difference between a good and an excellent lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law, and an excellent lawyer knows the judge!
What do you call 1,000 lawyers lying at the bottom of the sea? A great start.
What do you call 10,000 lawyers lying at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean? The Great Barrister reef.
What do lawyers have in common with sperm? Only one in a million has a chance of becoming a real person.
Why is it unethical for lawyers to have intimate relationships with their clients? It prevents people from being double-charged for the same service.
