Arr me matey! Read through this list of funny pirate jokes, they’re world-class, and even Captain Jack Sparrow would approve. Have some fun with your classmates and give everyone a laugh at school.
Pirate jokes one-liners
- Why don’t pirates ever get a chance to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years living at “C”!
- What’s the difference between a cranberry farmer and a pirate? A cranberry farmer treasures his berries, and a pirate buries his treasure.
- What has 12 legs, 12 arms, and 12 eyes? 6 pirates.
- Why couldn’t the crew play their card game? Because the Captain was standing on their deck!
- Why don’t pirates take a shower before walking the plank? Because they’ll only wash up on shore later.
- What do you call a pirate that skips school? Captain Hooky!
- What does a pirate say when his wooden leg gets stuck in a freezer? Shiver me timbers!
- What did the sea say when it saw the pirate? Nothing, it only waved.
- How do pirates communicate? In an aye-to-aye manner.
- Where can you find pirates who lost their wooden legs? Right where you left them.
- How did Captain Jack Sparrow get his Black Pearl so cheap? He purchased it on sail.
Pirate pun pick up lines
- Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum” And I have a penchant for making silly drunken mistakes.
- You look bummed, Captain. Can I help make the Roger a little more jolly?
- Permission to fire my huge cannon through your small porthole?
- Aye, Pirate! Is that a horn in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?
- I know exactly where you can bury that treasure.
- Let’s head back to the Jolly Roger and rock the boat.
- Can I see the most sought-after pirate booty?
- Your Jolly Roger ain’t the only thing you’ll raise tonight.
- Arrrrrrrrre ye free tonight, say for bedtime?
- Mind if my parrot watches while you board my ship, dear matey?
- Lookin’ for some booty? Mine is well ready for pillaging.
Pirate drinking jokes
- What’s the difference between drunken and hungry pirates? One’s a tumbling rummy, while the other is a rumbling tummy.
- A pirate walks into a restaurant with a ship’s wheel in his pants. The waiter says, “Excuse me, but do you know you have a ship’s wheel in the front of your pants? The pirate says, “Aaargh, it’s driving me nuts!”
- Why do pirates prefer to drink in bars serving rum instead of gin? Because they have mo’lasses.
- What do pirates say to motivate each other during races? Rum bottle, rum!
Pirate knock-knock jokes
Who’s there? Garden
Garden who? I be garden the treasure chest.
Scallywag ye lackey!
Turner round, there’s a pirate ship behind you!
Pirate puns for Instagram
- Why is pirating addictive? They say you get hooked when you lose yer hand.
- How much did the pirate pay for his hook and peg? An arm and a leg.
- How do you make a pirate angry? Remove the p.
- What’s a pirate’s worst foe on the high seas? Termites
- What lies twitching at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous shipwreck.
- What do you call pirates with two legs, hands, and eyes? A rookie.
- What are the ten letters in the pirating alphabet? I, I, R, and the 7 C’s!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite way to get some exercise? A plank!
- How much did the pirate pay the jeweler for his earrings? A buck-an-ear.
Clean pirate jokes
- Why was it so hard to get the pirate to pick up the phone? Because he left his phone off the hook.
- Why do pirates love the Thanksgiving holidays so much? They get to carrrrrve the turkey.
- What was the Captains parrot’s favorite game? Hide and speak.
- Where do pirates shop when they’re on land? At tarrrrrrget.
- What instrument did the pirate play in a band? The guitarrrrrr.
- Why do pirates like playing gold so much? Because they’re always under parrrrrrr.
Pirate dad jokes
- What’s a pirate’s favorite letter in the alphabet? AAAARGH
- Have you heard any pirate jokes lately? Neither have ayyyye.
- Doctor Doctor, why do people keep talking to me like I’m a pirate? Because you argh!
- Why do pirates bury treasure 12 inches underground? Because booty is shin-deep!
- Why couldn’t the pirate stop binge-watching Netflix? Because he was hooked!