49 Funny Pirate Puns for Kids

Arr me matey! Read through this list of funny pirate jokes, they’re world-class, and even Captain Jack Sparrow would approve. Have some fun with your classmates and give everyone a laugh at school.

Funny Pirate Puns for Kids

Pirate jokes one-liners

  • Why don’t pirates ever get a chance to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years living at “C”!
  • What’s the difference between a cranberry farmer and a pirate? A cranberry farmer treasures his berries, and a pirate buries his treasure.
  • What has 12 legs, 12 arms, and 12 eyes? 6 pirates.
  • Why couldn’t the crew play their card game? Because the Captain was standing on their deck!
  • Why don’t pirates take a shower before walking the plank? Because they’ll only wash up on shore later.
  • What do you call a pirate that skips school? Captain Hooky!
  • What does a pirate say when his wooden leg gets stuck in a freezer? Shiver me timbers!
  • What did the sea say when it saw the pirate? Nothing, it only waved.
  • How do pirates communicate? In an aye-to-aye manner.
  • Where can you find pirates who lost their wooden legs? Right where you left them.
  • How did Captain Jack Sparrow get his Black Pearl so cheap? He purchased it on sail.

Pirate pun pick up lines

  • Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum” And I have a penchant for making silly drunken mistakes.
  • You look bummed, Captain. Can I help make the Roger a little more jolly?
  • Permission to fire my huge cannon through your small porthole?
  • Aye, Pirate! Is that a horn in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?
  • I know exactly where you can bury that treasure.
  • Let’s head back to the Jolly Roger and rock the boat.
  • Can I see the most sought-after pirate booty?
  • Your Jolly Roger ain’t the only thing you’ll raise tonight.
  • Arrrrrrrrre ye free tonight, say for bedtime?
  • Mind if my parrot watches while you board my ship, dear matey?
  • Lookin’ for some booty? Mine is well ready for pillaging.

Funny Pirate Puns for Kids

Pirate drinking jokes

  • What’s the difference between drunken and hungry pirates? One’s a tumbling rummy, while the other is a rumbling tummy.
  • A pirate walks into a restaurant with a ship’s wheel in his pants. The waiter says, “Excuse me, but do you know you have a ship’s wheel in the front of your pants? The pirate says, “Aaargh, it’s driving me nuts!”
  • Why do pirates prefer to drink in bars serving rum instead of gin? Because they have mo’lasses.
  • What do pirates say to motivate each other during races? Rum bottle, rum!

Pirate knock-knock jokes

Knock Knock!

Who’s there? Garden

Garden who? I be garden the treasure chest.


Knock Knock!

Who’s there?


Scally who?

Scallywag ye lackey!


Knock Knock!

Who’s there?


Turner who?

Turner round, there’s a pirate ship behind you!


Pirate puns for Instagram

  • Why is pirating addictive? They say you get hooked when you lose yer hand.
  • How much did the pirate pay for his hook and peg? An arm and a leg.
  • How do you make a pirate angry? Remove the p.
  • What’s a pirate’s worst foe on the high seas? Termites
  • What lies twitching at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous shipwreck.
  • What do you call pirates with two legs, hands, and eyes? A rookie.
  • What are the ten letters in the pirating alphabet? I, I, R, and the 7 C’s!
  • What’s a pirate’s favorite way to get some exercise? A plank!
  • How much did the pirate pay the jeweler for his earrings? A buck-an-ear.

Clean pirate jokes

  • Why was it so hard to get the pirate to pick up the phone? Because he left his phone off the hook.
  • Why do pirates love the Thanksgiving holidays so much? They get to carrrrrve the turkey.
  • What was the Captains parrot’s favorite game? Hide and speak.
  • Where do pirates shop when they’re on land? At tarrrrrrget.
  • What instrument did the pirate play in a band? The guitarrrrrr.
  • Why do pirates like playing gold so much? Because they’re always under parrrrrrr.

Pirate dad jokes

  • What’s a pirate’s favorite letter in the alphabet? AAAARGH
  • Have you heard any pirate jokes lately? Neither have ayyyye.
  • Doctor Doctor, why do people keep talking to me like I’m a pirate? Because you argh!
  • Why do pirates bury treasure 12 inches underground? Because booty is shin-deep!
  • Why couldn’t the pirate stop binge-watching Netflix? Because he was hooked!
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