Grandmothers can be a great source of humor, though not all grandmothers have a sense of humor! Was your grandmother about as funny as a stone wall, or can she still take a joke? Here are some great grandma jokes that you can share with your friends and family if they’re in the second category. Enjoy!
Funny Grandma Jokes
What’s the worst way to see your grandmother die? While she’s having sex with your grandad on the kitchen table.
Why are old people always smiling when their younger grandkids visit? Because they’re also at the age where they can shit their pants without anyone asking them too many questions about it.
How can you tell that your grandmother isn’t home? It’s at the funeral home.
Why do grandmothers love to bake cookies all the time? Because that’s what they tell you’ they’re doing with their time.
How do you know that your grandmother didn’t really bake the cookies that she keeps bringing you? Because she died about three years ago.
More Funny Grandma Jokes
How can you tell that your grandmother really loves you? She hasn’t poisoned you yet.
What’s the worst thing that you could inherit from your grandmother? Her debt.
Why do some grandparents still insist on going to church the old fashioned way? Because they’re closer to God than everyone else.
How can you tell that your grandmother has died? She stops knocking from the inside of the coffin.
Why is it still very important to visit your grandmother as often as possible? Because she’ll start to haunt your bedroom again if you don’t.
What’s the worst thing you can inherit from your grandmother? Schizophrenia.
My grandmother must have known some crazy metal bands back in her day. Just before she died she grabbed the paramedic who was trying to do CPR and remembered one of her favorite bands: “DNR!” she yelled, and then died.
How do you know that your grandmother was a singer? Because you’ve found out that she wasn’t a screamer.
How do you know that your grandmother has died? Your parents stop asking you to visit her in hospital.
Why did people have more children per household a few generations back than most families choose to have today? Wilder sex and worse contraception.
Funny Grandmother Jokes
How can you tell that someone is a grandmother? She’s going to tell you before she shows you every single photograph on her phone.
Why do most grandmothers always have cookies in their house? So that their grandkids can’t find their sex aids.
How can you tell that your grandmother was a really good cook? She didn’t go to prison for poisoning anyone.
My grandma gave me some really sound advice right before she passed away. As she was breathing out her last breath, she said… “Buy good speakers, boy, buy good speakers.” and then died.
I want to make sure that I die like my grandmother in her sleep, and not screaming like the passengers in the bus she was driving.
I wanted to call grandma to let her know about the graduation, but nobody else on campus had a ouija board so I didn’t have the time.
Why are grandmothers always smiling? Because they’ve seen some things in their time.
How can you tell that your grandma is going to one of the best nursing homes in the country? You can’t.
How do you know that your grandmother might have died already? Because she hasn’t pressed the chess timer in over twenty minutes.
What should you do if your beloved grandmother dies? First some selfies.
Who should you call if you wake up and your grandmother is non responsive? Ghostbusters.
Adult Grandma Jokes
How do you know that your grandmother’s arthritis is getting worse? The sex isn’t the same anymore.
What’s the worst thing that you could find out about your grandmother after she’s died? That you were attracted to her.
How do you know that your grandmother was a hooker in her younger days? Because she managed to invest her money so that your parents could go to school, now ask less questions.
What was the most difficult part about burying your grandmother? Getting her to stop fighting so we could close the lid.
Why wasn’t your grandmother easy to cremate? Because she kept fighting against the process and we had to get her to stop arguing first.
How do you know that your grandmother still has a very active and busy sex life? You run into them at the local swingers club.
Back in your grandmother’s day, there were no smartphones to swipe, only credit cards.
Why are most grandmothers known for baking great cookies? Because the worst of their wild days are far behind them.
How do you know that your grandmother was pretty wild in her forties? These days you can just find out on Pornhub.
What did you used to hate most when you went to visit your grandmother as a kid? For me it was the intercourse.
Why did your grandmother leave the kids so much money in her will? Because she couldn’t leave them her sex swings.
Where did your grandparents meet? These days it could have been anywhere.
Back in your grandmother’s day, Tinder was something that you needed to start a fire with first so that you didn’t have to screw anyone in the dark.