Friday the thirteenth is said to be one of the most unlucky days of the entire year. It’s the day of the year when people have the most fender benders, and it’s when people call in “sick” to work the most. Here are some of the best Friday the 13th jokes and puns (that’ll chill you right out!).
Funny Friday the 13th Puns
Why don’t people go to work on Friday the thirteenth? Because they don’t want to, that’s why.
Why is it more unlucky to be born on Friday the thirteenth? I don’t know, you’ll have to ask the company who made your parents’ birth control.
Why should you never go out on a date on Friday the thirteenth? Because everyone knows it’s the one day of the year where you won’t be lucky.
What’s the unluckiest day on the whole calendar? The day your dad forgot to put on a condom.
What do you call it if a car hits your mother-in-law on Friday the thirteenth? A luckier Friday the thirteenth.
Why are people scared of going out of the house on Friday the thirteenth? Because of shark attacks.
Who is the worst person you could hope to meet on Friday the thirteenth? Your real father.
What’s that famous Stevie Ray Vaughan song about superstition? Oh, no, not Superstition. Texas Flood.
Funny Friday the 13th Jokes
What’s the worst time of the year to call someone? Never.
Why is it Friday the thirteenth? So that it doesn’t have to be Wednesday the eleventh.
What’s the worst thing you can do during the week of Friday the thirteenth? Die.
How do you know that Friday the thirteenth is going to be unlucky? The decapitated ghost in your bedroom tells you about it when you wake up.
What should you always remember on Friday the thirteenth? Your pants.
Why do people consider Friday the 13th unlucky? Because it’s not a Saturday.
What’s the most common gift people give to one another on Friday the thirteenth? Herpes.
Why is Friday the thirteenth one of the worst days to get arrested on? Because the judge will only be in on Monday.
Why do people say that Friday the thirteenth is one of the unluckiest day of the year? Oh, don’t worry about it if you don’t know, you’ll find out.
What should you never give someone on Friday the thirteenth? Herpes.
What’s the most unlucky thing that you can do on Friday the thirteenth? Be born into the world.
Which types of people consider Friday the thirteenth as lucky as any other day? The smart ones.
What’s the best thing you can do on Friday the thirteenth? Continue to be depressed about your last divorce.
Why should you play the lottery on Friday the thirteenth? Because when you lose this time, you’ll at least expect it.
Why don’t some people go to work on Friday the thirteenth? Flu, don’t ask.
Friday the 13th Puns for Everyone
What starts with the letter J and gets called the reason for the season by some people who celebrate this special holiday? Jason.
Why don’t some buildings have a thirteenth floor? So that people can’t jump from it.
What’s the most unlucky thing you can do on Friday the thirteenth? Shoot someone.
Why don’t people like going to work on Friday the thirteenth every year? Because they hate their jobs very much for the rest of the year too.
What do you call a lucky Friday the thirteenth? A funeral.
What’s the worst thing that can happen on Friday the thirteenth? Getting married.
What’s the most disappointing thing about it being Friday the thirteenth? The fact that Jason Voorhees is fictional.
What usually happens on Friday the thirteenth? Nothing at all.
What do you call someone who wakes up on Saturday the fourteenth? Lucky.
Why did Jason Voorhees’ mother ask him to change into different clothes for supper? Because she thought that he looked a little camped.
What’s the most unlucky song that’s ever been written and performed? Rebecca Black’s Friday.
How do you know that it’s Friday the 13th? Everyone will tell you.
What’s the worst part about waking up to realize it’s Friday the thirteenth? Realizing that you still have to go to work.
Why did the old man wake up on Friday the 13th and decide that nothing bad could happen to him all day? Because he had already gotten married.
What do you call a corpse when it’s Friday the 13th? Enchanted by a voodoo priest if it’s walking and talking all around the place.
More Hilarious Friday the 13th Puns
Why did Jason Voorhees have to see a psychiatrist in the first place? Because he couldn’t sleep.
What’s the most difficult part about the average Friday the thirteenth? Making sure that you survive it.
What’s everyone’s favorite movie to watch on Friday the 13th? Pornography.
Which character was the most important in the whole Friday the 13th movie franchise? Your mom.
Why did Jason Voorhees kill his mother? A Freudian slip of the knife.
What’s the worst thing about having a birthday on Friday the thirteenth? Knowing that your parents had sex nine months after.
Why is the accepted date for Christmas on the twenty-fifth of December? Because it’s not on Friday the 13th.
Why does Friday the thirteenth always seem to happen on a Friday?
What’s scarier than Friday the thirteenth? That time you walked in on your parents having sex.