Are you going on a road trip? Check out some of these car puns, jokes, and one-liners to pass the time in the car. It sure beats spotting license plates!
Funny Puns about Cars
Why did the baby cross the road? – it wasn’t strapped into the car seat.
This Xmas, I got a new car for my husband – It was a great trade.
What do 40-year-old men put inside their cars – Kids.
What was Hitler’s favorite car? – A fuhrerri.
What did Batman say to Robin before they jumped in the Batmobile? – Get in the car.
What do you call a drunk dude trying to start his car? An Uber, friends don’t let friends drive drunk.
What car does Yoda drive? – A Toyoda
Get a new car for your wife; it will be the trade-in of a lifetime.
My last relationship ended when I didn’t open the car door for my girlfriend. I swam for the surface instead.
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels, seats, and engine? – It wooden go very far.
Funny Car One-liners
My friend’s car was broken for ages because he couldn’t a-Ford to fix it.
The cops recovered my stolen car using its serial number. I feel vindicated.
A wheel flew off the car, knocking my teeth out. It all occurred axel-dentally.
I decided to fast today; I’m cooking some KoenigsEGG pasta and Bugatti Bolognese.
My Russian mech souped my ride. Now it handles like a Borscht!
When I’m visiting Santiago, I drive myself to the restaurants. I love my little Chile-con-car.
I was having lunch with a friend and said, KIA pass me the steak sauce?
My expensive ride got stuck in the mud flats. It was a Porsche muck.
My wife took her driver’s test yesterday. She got 7 out of 10. The other 3 guys jumped out of the way.
My sister bet me I couldn’t eat spaghetti and drive – You shoulda seen her face as I drove pasta.
Why do people think Chevrolet is an environmentally-friendly car brand? – Because the motor never starts.
What does the acronym for the car brand FIAT stand for? – Fixing It Again Tomorrow.
What do you get when you cross a car and your pet – A carpet.
How do I double the value of a Russian-made car? – Fill up its tank.
A got a pre-owned car yesterday; I used a car-deal-ogist to broker the sale.
I went off the road and hit a frog. My car was toadaled.
A secretary made an error and indented her car after creating too narrow a margin.
A guy accidentally drove his Italian import into a giant shrink-wrap machine. His FIAT was sealed.
After an accident on the car’s carpet, the owner stripped it of its car-pet privileges.
A preowned car salesman started a chain of dealerships, founding his Auto-man Empire.
Buying a car requires the salesman to put on a show which is why they use a showroom.
I drove my car into a tree once and figured out how a Mercedes-bends.
After completing the test drive, the auto salesman drove home his point.
A cop stopped me in the hospital parking lot and told me, “You can’t park over here. It’s badge holders only.”
He’s a real self-starter. He installs ignitions in cars.
Bunnies commute to work in the Rabbit Transit.
He can’t stand his job selling preowned cars, but that’s his lot in life.
I raced cars but couldn’t get along with anyone because they thought I was racist.
Funny Car wash Puns
I built a car using my washing machine motor. I’m taking it for a spin this afternoon.
What do you call the presidents car wash? George washing ton
I washed the car with my son, and he said, “can’t you use a sponge?”
My dalmatian ran away from me and through the car wash. He’s spotless.
Hilarious Driving puns
I have a fear of going over speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.
I got lost while driving from Illinois to Oklahoma. I’ve been in a state of Missouri since.
Was driving by a prison when I saw a midget climbing out of the window. I thought that’s a little con-descending.
People might want to drive a transparent car, but I’d steer clear of it.
Someone complimented my driving yesterday. They left a note on the windshield that read, Parking Fine.
Funny Car Jokes
I know road rage is awful, but when someone bumped me, I got out my camera and snapped at the offender.
I believe I’ll be able to run my car on politicians’ promises. I’m having trouble maintaining the fool injection system.
I used to rotate and balance tires at an auto shop. I had to quit because it felt like I was just spinning my wheels.
Funny Car One-liners
What cars do chefs drive? – Chef-rolets.
What kind of fuel does Vin use? – Diesel.
What has wheels and flies down the road? – A garbage truck.
What kind of cars do chickens drive? – A Yolks-wagen.
Why did the police pull over the U-Haul? – They wanted to bust a move.
Do you know what really grinds my gears? – When my clutch fails.
What kind of car does a ghost drive? – Boo-icks.
What did Kimmy get for her birthday after she was in a horrific car accident? – An amputation.
What do you call a Hispanic driver that loses his car? – Carloss.
What do you talk to after a car crash? – The witnesses.